was supposed to go out with cc tomorrow after my patient in ortigas.

shempre, i don't wanna leave the house just to go out. so the plan was, patient ako, then we'll just meet up (funny/irritating flashback about the word meet up: the first time i heard/read it was from a text message from louie, "friend" na girl ni vin [a guy from the past] who was asking my permission if vin could cancel on me raw. eh, hindi naman kami. di blaha sila. a few days later, i found out na sila na pala. huwaw!) at galle.

patient texted awhile ago to cancel, and was resched for sat.

i therefore conclude na ndi na kami natuloy.

i think it's a sign. love ako ni God. hehehe.

a short background on cc. he's an ass. player, pero honest. i have no idea if that's actually a good thing. but i think the fact that he doesn't even bother to try to hide his uh... indiscretions is a bad thing... the fact that he can be so blatant about his uh... proclivities to the pleasures of the flesh (naks!) is on evil grounds.

to summarize, he is up to no good. definitely evil intentions. does it bother me? it does.

do i do anything about it? i don't.

why? it's something new.

yes! i have conquered logic!

has anyone read the book IF ANDY WARHOL HAD A GIRLFRIEND?

read the first chapter in powerboks, and it seems really good. i love books who sounds like me talking. hahaha! how can you get any more narcisstic than that?

*******************************************************

TOP TEN BOOKS

1. 11 minutes by Paolo Coehlo

2. Cigarette Girl by Carol Wolper

3. The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand

4. The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera

5. Last Order of Penguin by Chris Martinez

6. Twisted series by Jessica Zafra

7. Doctors by Erich Segal

8. Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquival

9. The Philip K. Dick Reader by Philip K. Dick

10.The 5 people You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom

TOP FIVE SINGERS/BANDS

1. Parokya ni Edgar

2. Sugarfree

3. Cranberries

4. Alanis Morisette

5. Matchbox Twenty

TOP FIVE SOUNDTRACKS (i know some are broadway plays, but keber nalang, soundtrack na rin yan)

1. Moulin Rouge

2. Chicago

3. Les Miserables

4. Miss Saigon

5. Rent

TOP TEN MOVIES

1. Knight's Tale

2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

3. I am Sam

4. Fight Club

5. Punch-Drunk Love

6. Lord of the Ring series

7. Bedazzled

8. Dangerous Beauty

9. Cruel Intentions

10.10 things I Hate About You

kung ikaw ang tatanungin, mas nanaisin mo bang maging masama o tanga?

halimbawa, nasa isa kang sitwasyon na alam mong hindi mo dapat kinalalagyan maliban na lamang kung likas ka na talagang masama o tanga. Marahil naghahanap ka ng isang mas tiyak na halimbawa para mapalinaw ang lahat?

Halimbawa (at gusto kong ipaalalang ito'y isang halimbawa lamang na walang pagkakatulad sa sitwasyon na kinalalagyan o kinalagyan ng may akda): ikaw ay nasa isang relasyon kasama ang isang lalaking may kasintahan na. Pano ka napasok sa ganitong sitwasyon?

Dalawa lamang ang maaaring dahilan. Una, dahil pinapaniwalaan mo ang mga pambibilog ng ulo na ginagawa ng nasabing lalaki. Pinapaniwalaan mo ang kanyang deklarasyon ng pag-mamahal, at pagbibigay ng halaga sa'yo; na kung isa kang taong may malinaw na pag-iisip at may kaunting sentido komon, ay hindi mo paniniwalaan sapagkat kung tunay ang pag-ibig na sinasabi ng punetang lalaking yan ay ikaw nalang ang naging kasintahan nya.

Pangalawa, dahil likas na sa'yong maakit sa ganitong mga pagkakataon, at hindi ka inuusig ng iyong konsensya na maaaring may nasasaktan kang ibang tao. Malamang ay ibig mo lang din maglaro.

Kung ikaw ang tatanungin, ano ang mas nanaisin mo?

************

gad! my futile attempts in writing in pure filipino.

sidenote: irritated ako with those who still refer to the languagae as tagalog. tagalog is a dialect. filipino is the language.

funny conversation with kuting last saturday. lunch at the Beach House in Diliman. i had barbecue, while kutz had barbecue and beef steak (i think).

kuting: o, gusto mo nito? (pointing to the beef steak)

me: nope. may ulam pa ko eh.

kuting: o, eh so?

me: ayaw. maghahalo.

sidenote: one of my dementias about food are: 1. i don't mix any together. their not supposed to touch. when they do, its ok, but only if their both dry. nothing with sarsa or sabaw. icky! 2. i don't like eating two dishes at the same time. 3. if it's possible to eat each dish on different plates, i would prefer that.

kuting: (sounding really exasperated) ja-9, sa pagkain pwedeng madami, sa lalaki hindi! baliktad ka eh!

hehehe...

suntok sa buwan

session road

Hindi mo ba alam

Damdamin ko'y pinagtakpan

Makasama ka'y suntok sa buwan

'Di mo nga alam

Mundo mo nga'y iyong tignan

Kung ganyan, walang pupuntahan

Hindi ko 'to gusto

Pero 'wag kang lalayo

Itanong mo sa akin

At tatanungin ko rin

Kung ika'y aamin

Lahat ay gagawin

'Di mo napapansin

Kailangan mo akong dinggin

'Di habang buhay ika'y aantayin

Ito'y aking hiling

At sana naman ay tanggapin

Ng puso ko'y 'di nabibitin

My first childhood memory was not really a memory of an actual event, but more of a sight of the world through hexagon-shaped crystals. Everything was blurred with random dots of colors. When I told this to my mom, her explanation was simple, “Wala ka kasing ginawa kundi umiyak.” Wow! Some people see the world through rose-colored glasses. I literally saw the world through a tear-stained veil. I honestly have no memory of these frequent bouts of crying, although, my parents recount my tales with such great relish whenever the subject of my childhood comes up. I read somewhere that your psychological make-up was formed during your early years, and that your personality and neurosis are affected by your childhood experiences. I have had a hell of a childhood. Hell for them, not for me. I think I got my insomniac from childhood. My parents used to tell me that I was rarely awake during the mornings. My blood was running only at nights. Crying, then, was my favorite past time. I’m not talking about those whiny, snuffle-like whimpering I often heard from cousins of cousin’s babies, or neighbor’s children. It’s more of a full-fledged bowling that could cause an entire neighborhood to wake up. By morning, my mom usually bakes pastries or pastas to dole out to the neighbors with an apology for having been kept up during the night by my wailing. I think that has been a good practice for my mom. I especially love her lasagnas. Practice really does make perfect, huh? I had also been a pretty demanding child. My sister, born 3 years later, did not receive as much attention as I did as a child. She was an angelic baby. Always asleep, never crying, has a tendency to wreck things, but mostly happy; the opposite of her brat of a sister. After I conquered language at the age of 6-8 months, I was babbling in burst of short phrases. Yup, no baby-talk for me, and I was a tattle-tale. This was to the eternal consternation of my yaya who often uses me as an excuse to sneak out with her neighborhood boyfriend, who works as a carpenter in a house being constructed in our village. Afterwards, my grandmother (who isn’t really my grandmother but more of the yaya of my dad when he was a kid, who grew old in our household) would ask me where we’ve been. And to which I will promptly answer, “ ’Dun, Mario. “, the name of the carpenter. I don’t really know what happened to my yaya. All I know was that I kept her up all night, told on her whenever we go out, and in exchange she gave me lice which added to my crying nightmares. That yaya had been replaced over the years with others, and none of them gave me lice. The crying decrease to a less significant level. I therefore conclude that the crying was not really my fault but the lice's. The crying was replaced with the occurrence of fist fights with the neighborhood children. I was not, and never had been, a sociable child. No summer will come to pass, without me getting into a fight with almost all of our neighbor’s children. But there was always my totally dependable friend, about 2 years older than I am who puts up with all my tantrums. Looking back, jealousy may have been the primary cause of this anti-social behavior. I have been terribly jealous whenever she has new friends that I would pick a fight with these children at the slightest provocation. I was a very jealous child, a trait which I was able to tamper down with age. Then there was the time when we had to live in Mindanao for about 2 years. The language-barrier prevented me from making friends the first few weeks that we stayed there. My first few weeks in school were hell. I usually come home with pencil scribbling on my back and reddish knuckles. My seatmates (mostly guys) used to draw lines at the back of my uniform. And I would retaliate by hitting them with my fist or stepping on their feet. If the attention of the teacher was caught, I would then cry my heart out. I talent, which by then I realized was a useful way of gaining adult sympathy. They were scolded, and I became the teacher’s pet. Yes, I was devious and evil. At such a young age at that! A wonder a grew up to be such an angel, huh?

i know. i am turnng this into a lyrics page. i just can't help myself from posting this. siyet. theme song ito. well... future themesong anyway. hehehe...

taguan sugarfree

'Wag mong sabihin

Sa magulang mo na "tayo na"

Ayoko pang matapos 'to

Kasi naman ang daldal mo

At 'di ko maintindihan kung bakit ba

Pinagkakalat mo

CHORUS

Na ako ay mahal mo

Mag-ingat ka baka mahuli tayo

At ako'y iibigin mo

Kahit lagi tayong patago

Mag-isip ka, mag-isip ka mahal ko

Maghunos-dili ka, ingat ka

Patay ako sa tatay mo!

'Wag mong isipin

Na ayoko lang naming umamin

Ayoko lang kasi matapos "ito"!

Kasi naman ang ingay mo

At di ko maintindihan kung bakit pa

Sinabi mo sa kanila

CHORUS

Na ako ay mahal mo

Mag-ingat ka baka mahuli tayo

At ako'y iibigin mo

Kahit lagi tayong patago

Mag-isip ka, mag-isip ka mahal ko

Maghunos-dili ka, ingat kasi

Patay ako sa nanay mo!

Ako ay mahal mo

Mag-ingat ka baka mahuli tayo

At ako'y ibigin mo Kahit ang anak ko ay tatlo

Mag-isip ka, mag-isip ka mahal ko

Maghunos-dili ka, ingat kasi

Patay ako!

Patay ako!

Patay ako!

Patay ako sa girlfriend ko!

i have a stupid question:  why is toothbrush called toothbrush?  hindi lang naman tooth ang brush nya eh, teeth kaya.  what are the chances na may person who uses the toothbrush to brush just a tooth?  nung unang panahon ba, per tooth ang brushing.  siyet!  so malamang once a month lang din ito, kasabay ng pagligo!  le stink!

i think i have too much free time.

i have another stupid question.

is it ice tea or iced tea?

in the first, you use ice as a noun.  in the second, you use it as an adjective.  so, which is it?

the counterpart of ice/d tea is hot tea, right?  so if its iced tea, shouldn't it's counterpart be called heated tea?

amazing ang powers ng walan matinong ginagawa noh? hehe...

after a night of camwhoring, was able to murder one pic (two actually).  with no further ado...

tadaa!

lumabas ang aking kabadingan! hahaha!

"Ikakasal na ko sa September."

putangina.  tumigil mundo ko. 

alam ko sabi ko sa'yo hindi ako magagalit anuman yung sabihin mo.  but you can't really expect me to take that news lightly?  may fault din ako why i felt this hurt.  alam ko namang may girlfriend ka, pero go pa rin ako.  and, yes, i did nag you to tell me kung ano yung ayaw mong sabihin sa'kin.  sorry ah!  kasalanan ko ba yun?!  2 weeks ago lang sha nangyari sabi mo.  and you were just waiting for the right time to tell me.  pero, putangina naman.  ano yan? spur of the moment decision?  bigla mo na lang na-isip, magpakasal na kaya ako?  and right time?  are you serious?  there will never be a right time.

oo.  sabi ko hindi ako magagalit.  when i told you i don't want to speak to you ever again, i didn't tell you that dahil galit ako.  i was disappointed in you.  i was hurt.  but i was never angry at you.  demented di ba?  pero hindi talaga eh.  alam mo naman yung reason ko baket inerase na kita di ba?  asshole ka, pero hindi ka tanga. 

i hope you made the right decision.  and i hope your future bride made the right decision in agreeing to marry you.  sana wag ka ng magloko.  utang na loob!  seryosohan mo commitment mo.

last message, though.  please lang, for the sake of whatever we had, sana wag ka ng tatawag o magpapakita sa'kin kahit kailan.  10 years from now pagnagkita tayo, regardless if masaya na tayo sa ating kanya-kanyang buhay, wag mo kong babatiin.  wag mo kong lalapitan.  ayokong maalala na minsan sa buhay ko, naging ganito ko katanga.

     today was our last day in class.  looking back, my first year in the course was pretty much like an extension of my undergrad years --still full of issues in regards to exceptional individuals.  in the past few months i've been going to my classes, here's a few lessons i've managed to learn: 

lesson number 1:  it's not mentally retarded children, or autistic children, or even abnormal children.  they are children with mental retardation, children with autism, and definitely not abnormal, but special children.  what's the difference?  in the first terms, you define their concept of being a person through their impairments or conditions.  in the second, you see them as children only with baggage attached.  deaf children are of different breed, however.  they prefer to be called as such.

lesson number 2:  the government is encouring private sectors to employ people with disabilities through creation of R.A. No. 7277 of the Magna Carta for Disabled Person (http://www.ncwdp.gov.ph/drdb/legislations/locallegis/html/RA7277irrrule2.htm), which deals with providing equal opportuity employment for people with disabilities, and protection of these people with disabilities from discrimination.  our government has even gone further as to provide compensations for the private sector for employing these individuals.  and i quote:

 (a) Private entities that employ disabled persons who meet  the required skills or qualifications either as a regular  employee, apprentice or learners shall be entitled to an  additional deduction from their gross income equivalent to  twenty-five percent (25%) of the total amount paid as  salaries and wages to disabled persons.

 (b) Private entities that improve or modify their physical  facilities in order to provide reasonable accommodation for  disabled persons shall be entitled to an additional deduction  from their net income, equivalent to fifty percent (50%) of  the direct cost of the improvements or modifications. This Section, however, does not apply to improvements or modifications of facilities required under B.P. Blg. 344.
 (Section 4.1, Rule II of Magna Carta for Disabled Person R.A.  No. 7277)

however, inspite of the government's efforts (???) to provide suitable employment for people with disabilities, the fact still remains that a large percentage remains unemployed (sorry, i can't give out numbers.  i have yet to see them).  those few who have found employment are usually in specialty shops whose products carry "special notes" like: made by children with mental retardation from Timpaloc, or in their family's business.

as a therapist (as i've yet to practice teaching special children), it's very depressing when you can't see where your therapy sessions are leading to.  you have a high-functioning child with cerebral palsy.  you teach her neck and trunk control.  you teach her how to walk.  you teach her to jump and run and play ball.  the other therapists provide her with other necessary skills to pave her way towards a (semi)independent future.  you enrol her in a special school.  you give her pre-vocational training to prepare her for employment.  and then what?  where would she go now?  usually, nowhere.

i don't have anything against specialty shops who provide work for these special individuals, but i think they could be given more than that.  so, maybe most have cognitive problems.  they have difficulties analyzing things like regular people.  but that doesn't mean that they can't be taught to do simple things.  look at Sam in I am Sam. he works as clean-up sorta' guy in starbucks.  then at pizza hut.  they can also work in offices who requires peole to do simple, repetitive tasks.  how many regular individuals have you seen doing work below their capacity?  if you employ these individuals instead, you even get a cut from your tax!

lesson number 3:  in relation to number 2, another complain i received from people with disabilities who have difficulty in gaining employment is the fact that not all buildings have accesibility features!  take for example a very smart, effecient and fully-capable individual who happens to be wheelchair-bound.  she wants to work in this building.  the office is on the 26th floor.  ok.  no problem.  there's the escalator.  to get in the building, however, she needs to get up a 10-step stair!  how in the world would she do that unless someone carries her up those stairs?  i'm not sure, but isn't that discrimination?

lesson number 4:  our country has untapped gifted individuals.  individuals whose skills have remained unrecognized by the people around them, or suppressed by their environment.  of those recognized, government support has been somewhat lacking, when in fact these individuals may help boost our country towards progress.  we need to inculcate in these individuals the need to help their own country.  instead of telling them, "you're a very, very bright kid.  i'm sure you'll have a great future if you work abroad."  encourage them to work in their own country.  who else will be left in this country if everybody leaves?

(more to come when my brains starts functioning again)

Disclaimer:  I am really apathetic when it comes to politics and have no idea whatsoever on the terms and processes that goes with it.  if i sound stupid or moronic, you have an option to not read this entry.   don't say i didn't warn you.

this has been one of those rare days that i've opened a newspaper.  it's not even today's paper actually.  it was last friday's.  the headline caught my attention.  it goes something like, Senate to abolish House, Congress to abolish Senate.  sounds like fun huh?

i don't get it.

the House prepared a bill (i think) for something like the General Provisions for 2005 (or something to that effect).  and it includes cutting back the pork barrels of our distinguised congressmen, which they did for love and affection for their country.  apparently, what's supposed to happen is, they pass it to the Senate.  Then the Senate reviews the provisions and exact the necessary changes that they want to do.  tapos there's this bicameral thingy where they talk about it.  i think it's more of go into endless, fruitless discussions over technicalities and whatnots until everyone decides that it cannot be resolved and just give up on it out of sheer frustration.  but wonder, of wonders!  after the bill got into the Senate, the Senate approved without changing anything.  now, here's where it gets messy.  Logic dictates that the Senates decision should've made everyone happy.  I mean, everyone in the Senate approved of it.  It was made by the House of Representatives, who thought about it and came up with the bill.  and since it made provisions on cut backs on pork barrel, it's bound to make the president very happy as it would mean having more peso to pay our humongous debt.  But, this is the Philippines.  Possibly an undiscovered parallel universe, wherein logic does exist.  Now, the Congressmen are complaining why the bill they passed to the Senate was approved without question.  uh... hello people?  wtf-?  but it doesn't end there!  it even came to the point where the Congressmen decided that we must abolish the Senate as they serve no purpose whatsoever.  This infuriated the Senate, and stated that we must do away with Congress as they serve no purpose whatsoever.  And in the typical MIriam Defensor-Santiago style, Santiago stated to do away with both Houses and just pick 5 individuals to come up with all these law-making stuff.  (ok so she didn't say it that way... but it was something to that effect).

According to the Senate, the Congress are complaining because they didn't really wanted a cut back on their pork barrels.  in other words, pagpapanggap at pagpapakitang tao lamang ang ginawa nila.  They planned to take it back during the bicameral thingy.  Either that, or they just want to debate about it till the end of time which is when the fiscal something from 2004 arrives and they just continue with the financial whatever of 2004.  Just sorta' related to the topic, I feel good about Drillon, Lacson and Lim for giving up their pork barrels.  And 5 others agreed to give up half.  Although there's been speculations that when these gov't officials give up something, they can usually get it back under different names.   Don't let me elaborate on it.  As for the Congress point, I really didn't get it, so I can't justify whatever their doing.

Now, if anybody understood what was going on there, can someone please explain it to me?

was checking the CRS awhile ago trying to find out if i can enroll at something for this summer (yes people, i am that bored), and posted in the home page was the death of the UP student, Merwin Mendoza from the hold-up incident a few weeks back.  if i remember correctly what my friend told me (clarify ko lang, tsismis 'to, i have no idea about the authenticity of the information. and wala akong plan mag-verify), apparently there are only 6 policemen assigned sa diliman area at night.  AND they only have one mobile car na intermittent lang ang takbo.  basically, dependent yun sa present ng gas, and if may pambili ng gas.  can you imagine that?! tapos, wala pang ginawa ang mga lecheng government officials na yan kundi mag-cut ng mag-cut ng UP budget???

tama yan.  that makes a whole lotta' sense.

Does free will really exist, or our actions actually pre-destined, shaped by the environment that we grew up in?
A young woman who grew up in an immoral environment (let’s not complicate matters by debating what immorality really is), where prostitution, drugs and death are commonplace, can not really be expected to think that selling her body is evil.  Not when she sees it done by everyone, not when she sees that it brings food on the table, and not when she sees that it can give her money. 

A little kid taught to steal can not be expected to do an honest work when he grows up when he sees that stealing pays better.  How can he empathize with the people he’s stolen from when this has been his way of life? He knows no other way to live.