it sucks when you have a killer instinct...

or paranoid...

...

or, both.

hehehe

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MI3's showing.  i wanna watch!!!

i have no idea what the plot is.  all i know is that tom cruise is there.  and it's part 3.  i'm still watching.  ba't ka ba???

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first time inside books for less.  found a copy of cryptonomicon for 1/3 the price i paid when i bought it years ago.  leech.

they wre selling these really cheap books 4 for 100 or 2 for 100.  found one i like from the 4 for 100 pile, and another from the 2 for 100 pile.  asked the saleslady if i could just get another 4 for 100 book para quits na.  ayaw!  tama naman my math di ba???  f i don't get 4 daw from the 4 for 100 pile, i'll have to buy the book i like for 20% of the original price.  .  that would make it more expensive!  never mind.  so i now have 3 other books that are hopefully good.

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been a boring life.

ooh! i went on a date.  it went ok.  not interested. pfft!

oh frog prince!  my frog prince!

whereforth art thou my frog prince?

(refer to waaaay previous entry)

hahaha!  i'm bangag today.

i plan to change my tabulas layout.  prolly when i find the time... or i manage to arm twist someone i know to fix it for me. ehehehe...

so happy talking in past tense.

met up with a couple of old friends yesterday.  it was fun!  i missed those people.  they reminded me of my college days.  now here we are, all grown up (feeling grown-ups anyway) reminiscing about those days when our only problems were how to pass the next exam and how to patch things up with the other person (we were a very difficult group. hehehe).  4 went to med school.  they'll be graduating next year.  one went to the states (she's back kaya the lakad).  she's already paying for her brother's tuition in a college in US (gak!  do you have any idea how much that costs?!).  another dropped out of med school due to a family crisis, and she's the breadwinner in the family.  i can't even live off my salary!  how much more if i have to feed a family???  the only guy in the group is in forex.  huwaw!  i have no idea how that thing works.  it seems really complicated.  he just came back after 2 years doing missionary work work.  mormon sha eh.

tinafa:  asan na ba si christian?

tintin:  ewan ko sabi nya, 30 mins.  more than 1 hour na eh.

me: ah!  baka naglakad pa sha galing sa kanila... di na marunong mag-commute yun.

tee-hee.

and of course, there was kuting and i.  we're lost. hahaha!

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then went to grad party of another college friend.  he just graduated in med school.  shit.  do you realize that if i went to med school right after graduation, i would be finishing up by next year???  instead, here i am, still waiting for my life to start.  suckiness.

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how come the only guy interested in meeting you at these parties are those your not interested to see?

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i remembered who i was before ex.  it was a prettier picture.  i don't regret what happened between ex and i.  but i do know it was wrong to get that emotionally involved with anyone.  i love(d?) him too much, it made it so hard to lose my astigmatism.  i could never see what was wrong with our relationship.  i kept rationalizing endlessly.  i could always make up an excuse for whatever he did.  i made it too easy for him to make it up with me.

i honestly wish we could be good friends.  i kept hoping that even after everything started spiraling down.  but that would be impossible.  not because he doesn't feel the same way, he say he wants the same thing (uh-huh... sureeee).  but because i would always want him around. and i will always get hurt.  and i will always be in love.  there are other less painfull ways to kill yourself.

which is better?

london bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down...

or

We can't play this game anymore, but
Can we still be friends?

dementia.

i need my sleeping aids. 

i want to sleep. 

when you sleep everything stops.

its hard not to think at night, and weekends are especially driving me crazy.  i'd be happy to sleep my weekends away if i could.  my friend gave me a coupe of tablets, and i love it!  i pop one, and in less than 15 mins i'm dead til morning.

that's the problem when you have too much free time in your hands.  i should do something more productive.

2005 has been a very stupid year. 

i made a mistake. 

repeat a dozen times over.

i should stop.

i'm going back now.

but i still need my drugs.

will it help if i say please?

finally, really have an afternoon job!  yey! my first paying clinic job.  i wasn't sure until i got the thingy signed.  and the pay isn't so bad.  so, more yey!

that's the thing with my sort of work.  i'm basically free sched.  unless i work in a hospital or a big school.  free sched is actually good.  it just doesn't seem like work.  which is really a good thing... if you have a life, which i don't. hahaha!  eniweiz, so i still don't have the 8-hour shift sortof work of my dreams (hm... i'm still thinking what that should be?), but at least i have mornings and afternoons now, and my home care to do.  so that would amount to 25 hours of work a week.  thank God i'm not a minimum wage earner!  and i have no one but my luho to support. then there's MA.  please let me finish by next year!  i'm done with being a student.  it helps though in keeping my head from atrophy.

i might also really leave na by next year.  once i've signed the thing.  but commitment-phobic that i am, i still couldn't sign it without going spasmic with anxiety.

i sooo wanted to text him and share my happiness... but, i guess i have more control than i thought.  it's been more than a week.  wohoo!  yes.  i am that pathetic.  or really babaw.  ba't ka ba?!

speaking of pathetic, i still haven't seen MI3.  aaargh!!!  i am so frustrated.  it's soooo hard to sched!  i was supposed to the other day, but as the invite came late, i couldn't na.  same thing yesterday.  tapos, today, got pissed off naman, so i cancelled.  grrr... 

question for the day:  how do you get laid... without getting screwed?

hahaha!

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anybody knows what happened to the gma thing.  according to the supreme court, GMA did the right thing to call the gen proclamation 5 and the RA.  But the warrantless arrests, raidnig of Tribune, and dispersing and threatening of rallyist were unconstitutional.  so, it was unconstitutional, what are they going to do about it?

thank you

for giving me exactly what i needed right now...       

can finally stop with my poison

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was watching SHREK awhile ago.  i loooved this song...

I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life

went to divi yesterday.  didn't really but much... but i'm still broke. (ang cute nya noh???)

i have strange new fixation with kitty kats right after galera.  it all started with this henna

which i saw on the biceps of some guy walking past by our favorite spot on the beach.

then the other day, ria gave me a kitty shirt!  the kitty's sooo cute.

tada!

ok.  it's a little weird.  but i like the football head and the totally out of proportioned body!

and yesterday i found this!

(again) TA-DA!

i couldn't resist!  it even has a bell which goes kling-kling when i jump or run (which i did alot when i tried it on! hehehe...)  it's soo aliw!  i bet the kids will love it too.

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watched da vinci kanina!  it was really good!  loved it.  they were faithful to the book.  cors the book sortof reads like an action film in itself... but besides the point.  audrey tatoo's (?) really pretty.  i love her cheekbones.  and her eyes.  and her lips.  ay shit! natitibo ako! hahaha!  teabag and verner and someone else sorta looks like each other... again, pointless.

o, ito may point na.  promise!

the whole story of da vinci code stemmed from the fact that Jesus is most prolly human...  he got married, had kids, had a whole big tree extending to the present.  this, of course, was suppressed by the Catholics who wanted to mainatin Jesus' divinity.  now, if you really think about it,  does it matter if He's human and divine?  he was a great teacher.  he made alot of sense.  he went through a whole lot of pain.  his being human did not negate anything he did.

religion is about faith.  and faith requires no proof.  therefore, it cannot be disproven.

 for a while, i've had this fixation with french toast.  so, i decided to make one.  i forgot i don't know how to cook (kahit hard boiled eggs minsan may sablay!).

what do i need?

a couple of eggs. check.  butter. check. bread. check.  wait. hm... burger buns lang available... um... pwede na yun.

what to do?

beat the eggs. THIS i coud actually do... withou making the shells fall on the bowl even!  then the dilemma.  do i toast the bread first, of is it supposed to be cooked in the pan?  amazingly, i did the right thing (according to a friend), i heated the pan, put butter, then proceeded to throw the buns in.  then i poured the eggs.  how was i supposed to know you were supposed to dip it?!

it came out all wrong and ugly. so i decided to toaster it anyway.

it was pretty yummy.  only you shouldn't look. hehehe

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AQUARIUS (Jan 23 - Feb 22)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

PISCES (Feb 23 - Mar 22)
You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

ARIES (Mar 23 - April 22) --> this would be ex. hmm... doesn't sound like him even at his worst
You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.

TAURUS (April 23 - May 22)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamed communist.

GEMINI (May 23 - June 22)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

CANCER (June 23 - July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.

VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22) --> yep.  i am a slut and i will die a mistress.
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. If you are a male you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nill. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 22)
You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23 - Dec 22)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talehlessnt. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a wort piece of shit.

CAPRICORN (Dec 23 - Jan 22)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

kung kelan kailangan mo (now na!), baket ang tagal nyang dumating?

i'm getting sick of waiting... please come na...

nawawala, bumabalik
eto nanaman

don't ask, then i won't have to tell.

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

depressingly fun weekend.  never happening again. hahaha! yes, i'm allergic to fun.  but it was fun.  i overslept sunday... prolly coz of all the depressants in the system.  i also know now the ingredients for a successful suicide.  not that i plan to.  it's just one of those things that's nice to know in case i get psychotic.  hmmm... on second thought...

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gak! i am sooo broke!  i should stop it with the shopping and the eating out.  and i need to pay for my bills.  yargh!

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i wanna go to avilon and zoobic.  yes.  i have a fixation to go the zoo.  i haven't been to a zoo for a looooooooooong while.  i think the last was grade school.  unless you consider ocean park as a zoo (of marine animals??? hehehe).

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serious question.  who wants a real live kitty?  we've got 5 kittens in school that needs to be disposed of (parang thrash? harsh!)  eniweiz, they can't stay in school so they absolutely have to go.  can't bring any home else our maid will kill me.  we have alot of stray cats in the back as it is.  they plan to put all 5 in a box and leave them somewhere far, far away... sad noh?

stupidity should not come this naturally...

her name is graciella. 38.

i hope never to meet her.

happiness is last night

went to the beach last weekend.  yup,  i'm a whole shade darker again.  i should stop going to the beach to get roasted if i still wanna be seen at night.  i get extra crispy easy pa naman. hehehe...  it's just sooo fun sleeping on the sand.  it's the thing that i discovered this year.  along with my addiction to getting massages on the beach.

lying on the sand with somebody pounding your back real hard (masokista ko, i admit.  i like it hard and deep.  the massage, ok!), and you smelling all yummy like kakanin.  perfect.  i fall asleep right after.  and i wake up toasty! hehehe... 

btw, if you're in galera and want to get the massage, look for lorena or lourdes.  lorena was my friend's masseau, and she swears she's really good.  mine's lourdes, and i love her.  i wana take her home with me na nga eh.  she was my masseau the last time i went there last april.  funny how she still rememebrs me.  actually, funny how some people from there still remembers me (in a good way. hehe).  ganun pala ko ka-kalat! hahaha!

the first time i was in galera was 2nd year college.  and back then (huwaw! parang years ago noh?), the place was so different.  there were no bars, no food places (near the beach), and very little activity on the island.  island hopping is the way to go.  or just lounging on the beach.  it was fun then.  had to walk miles before we could buy drinks.  and riding the waves (using our life jackets) was the most fun activity.  we would go to the deep part (prolly a couple of meters lang away from the shore.  sudden deep kasi), and just float with the huge waves (we came there monsoon season).  and the waves would crash us right smack on the very coarse, sandy beach.  most of us ended with bloody knees... among other places.  but keber.  it was fun. 

eniweiz, galera is so different now.  that's development i guess.  there are bars from end to end.  henna.  massaeus.  braids.  water sports.  but the beach also became dirty.  the tourists kept leaving their junk where they sat.  you could see wrappers of some chips, plastic cups, cigarette buts, a couple of plastics.  it should be illegal to do that.

i really shouldn't smoke anymore.  not just coz i'm on the verge of having a sore throat.  but i have even less tolerance for it now than before.  one stick and my head's already floating to la-la land.  and don't even think of mixing it up with alcohol!  argh!  the last time i smoke was when i was also in galera, last month.  that was a pretty sight.  didn't get majorly drunk...  but i was such a floozy!  thank gad ri was with me then! 

never put three girls together with a camera.  it was bad enough that we kept having airhead conversations the whole time (any eavesdropper would get a headache listening to our conversations).  but when we started clicking the cam, goodness!  everything was a photo-op.  we mastered the art of taking pictures without looking at the lcd.  it was fun posing though. hehe... yes. we're narcissistic.  but at least we admit it.  that's the first step right?  first step to what end though... i never did figure it out. hahaha! (gak! airhead's back!)

the boat trip to galera and back was absolutely horrible!  i suggest never riding sundance and fender.  we rode sundance going to the beach, and they made us wait for more than an hour!  they even had the audacity to tell us na "isang oras lang naman po eh".  the nerve of those people.  then going back, we rode fender.  technically, we didn't.  their boat got sira, so they got another boat for us to ride.  the boat was 30mins late.  fine.  they promised they wouldn't fill it up.  we'd leave right away.  HA!  the manong was soooo nice at first when we asked him na we'll just refund our tickets coz there was a boat docked already, and we wanted to get off the island right away.  5 minutes daw.  plus we'd leave earlier daw.  fine.  we decided to be nice and wait for 5 mins.  15 minutes later, their boat was there na.  now the manong got really cocky.  first of all, sana people know how to line up.  a little order please.  apparently hindi sha uso with everyone.  then, we had to exchange tickets.  idiots that they were, they took the tickets without giving the new ones right away.  and then, when we asked for our new tickets, they looked at us like we conning them or something.  that got me so riled up! "manong, kung inayos nyo kasi yung pagkuha ng ticket, may pila naman at hindi kayo nag pasingit.  eh di hinid kayo maguguluhan." i know i should've said it nicer or something.  but i can't deal with incompetent people.  and they had the nerve to tell us na it's not their fault that the boat was late etc.  excuse me, but it's your job that you deliver what you were paid for to do.  it's your job to minimize whatever inconvenience we might have to suffer because of a glitch in your service.  don't make excuses.  i'm so very irritable, i know.  and i'm too blunt when i'm pissed.  my mom said i mght get thrown out of the boat if i do that again.  hehehe...

i am one quirky person.  sometimes, it's almost embarrasing to be me.  but one thing about quirks is that you can't really do anything about it.  not that you'd die if you try to change the bad habit, but there's just something inside you that refuses to let up. here's a couple of my major quirks:

1.  i count to three with escalators.  ok, it's not really a literal 1-2-3 sort of thing.  it's more of i wait for a certain thing... timing ba!  it's especially hard going down, that's usually where the perfect timing comes in.  going up is never really much of a problem.  if i get pressured, it takes a whole lot longer.  and i need to be on the right side.  i can never go down from the left side.  it's embarrasing when a lne starts to form behind me coz i couldn't find my perfect timing.

2.  i don't mix my food.  fried food is ok to mix.  but those with sauce, never!  i'd rather starve than eat food with mixed sauces.  ok maybe not really starve... but i eat only the parts where they don't touch.  did i tell you i have weird eating habits?  there was a time i ate at a friends house.  they had chicken and mushroom something.  i ate th chicken first, so there were ketchup all over my plate.  the mushroom looked really yummy, but i couldn't bring myself to eat it coz i don't have any clean spot on my plate.  and i'm too embarrased to ask for another plate.  when i'm friends who knows about it though, they horde plates for me.  it's embarrasingly funny, but at least i get to eat everything.  buffets are tres tres horrible!

3.  i don't eat different food at the same time.  i mean, i have to finish with one dish first before moving on to the next.  like, i have to finish my fries first before i eat my burger.  or the beef first, before the fish.  usually i try to time them, like eating the fried food first before the one with sauce so that i can still use the same plate.  yes.  my quirkiness needs to work together.  reminds me of what kuting used to tell me, "janine, sa pagkain pwedeng sabay-sabay, sa lalake hindi!" hahaha!

4.  i like sleeping with noise.  either the tv's turned on or the radio, unless i'm really tired, then it doesn't really matter.  i hate silence.  it makes me fidgety.

5.  i run away from strangers.  seriously.  i never got the hang of people suddenly introducing themselves to you, or talking to you out of nowhere.  i bolt.  put it in a given setting, i can manage coz i've conditioned myself to socialize.  but otherwise, nobody come near me.  i cannot.  for someone who mixes loads with people, i'm really depressingly anti-social.

i'll stop at 5.  more to come when i feel like it. hehehe