i don't think i'll ever be allowed to drive on my own in this lifetime.  so meaning, ever.  yargh!

drove the car to pre school with my dad in the passenger seat, and almost got hit by a truck.  not a 10-wheeler sortof thing, just a little bigger than the elf truck (???).  idiot driver kasi.  not me.  the truck! 

eniweiz, so there are two lanes.  the truck sortof parked on the side and i was only slightly a little farther behind it (gad! can you say redundant?!).  so i sortof went to the non-existent middle lane to get past the truck, and there was this incoming car ahead of me (obviously!).  just when the front end of the car is in line with the truck (or maybe i was a little forward... not sure), truck suddenly moved and tried to cut in on me.  naturally i ignored him.  and naturally my dad didn't.  i think the truck thought i would stop since it started moving.  but i was moving already!  di ba dapat mag signal sha sakin or something?  logic that will get me killed one of these days.  eniweiz, so it scared the hell out of my dad, and pissed me off.  and my dad changed seats with me, and went on with the lecture until we got to pre school.  more yargh!

i therefore conclude, i will not be driving on my own anytime soon. 

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

oooh!  and i just found out ails reads my blog! *hi ails!!!!*  so people who read my blog, apart from those in my friends list, would give me a grand total of one. hahaha!

i just realized.  i seem to be accident-inducing these days.  this week to be exact.  every other day to be more specific.

tuesday.

i was on the trike, going from merville gate to service road.  the trike i'm in seems to have something wrong with its brakes.  when the car in front of us stopped (slight traffic), trike hit the car!  trike wasn't speeding naman, i think the brakes were just dysfunctional.  major gasgas the car.  well sortof... metal to metal eh.  and it had to be my patient's car that trike hit.  amazing!

thursday.

*see previous entry*

saturday.

we were in caress' car driving along katips.  and because we are naturally usi, we were all looking at ateneo grounds trying to figure out if there's a fair or something coz of the booths.  galing the timing of the truck in front of us! it suddenly switched lanes... to our lane! then stopped coz of traffic.  and because we were all looking out the side window, we saw the truck a little too late.  bangga!  thank gad caress has insurance.  the rear end of the truck was kinda tupi.  but the driver said pwede na raw pukpok.  caress' car got major gasgas on the hood, and the left headlights got splintered.  lecheng ateneo.

i therefore conclude i am a road hazard.

 i lied.  i miss him...  it would be so nice when he gets back.

for someone with lots of papers to submit for next week, i had time to do this.

the original:

photoshopped:

i haven't gotten the hang of it yet.  doesn't look at all like me.  para kong nagka-bell's palsy.  and kinda got tamad with changing the colors.  it took me almost 2 hours noh.  but it's pretty ok na rin for first attempt.  sabi ko, ba't ka ba? 

this is what we call procrastination. *bow* 

dreamt about bb and divine and cindy.  weird considering all of them are out of the country. it was pretty good, but a stupid phone call in the dream ruined it.

i might be missing a couple of people... 

i smell like lavander...

massage is the way to go. 

'Cause every time we touch,
I get this feeling
And every time we kiss,
I swear I could fly

Can't you hear my heart beat so
I can't let you go,
Want you in my life.

 found this. love it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6OdSGo2a1c

have no idea how to embed vid from youtube to here.  so there. 

my life is exhausting.  seriously.  news to tell when i'm in the mood. 

ok, so update.

still with too much stress.  there's work.  and work.  and papers.  and more papers.  and review.  and plenty of studying to be done.  and most prolly traveling on march or early april, and on may, which therefore means i need to save lots, which given the amount i spend on my bills is really, pretty hard to do.  seriously. 

the traveling part is fun though.  definitely something to look forward to.  and actually kinda horrifying.  don't wanna go into specifics just now.  ever?  hmm...

met someone last week.  *kilig* major.  the first 10 or so minutes with him anyway.  which was the whole time we we're talking.  and the whole time we were together coz i had to be somewhere else that time, and i just couldn't really stay long.  so we sched.  there is something good with manila.  eniweiz, so we went out.  there was zilch.  zilch!  so, drop.  of course, kutz berated me for it.

k: why ayaw mo?

me:  eh ayaw ko eh.

k:  why nga?!

me:  walang uh... sparks.

k:  sparks talaga?!

me:  yup.  sparks.  wala eh.

k:  antayin mong sabihin sa'yo na may girlfriend sha.  i'm sure magkaka-sparks  na nun.

yargh!  evil.

it's not too much to ask right?  it is normal, right???  not the girlfriend.  sparks.

eniweiz, the point is i'm not interested.  i have too much going on to even want to try to be emotionally involved with anyone.  which was what he was hinting at.  unless of course he thinks that's the way to get a fuck. 

hahaha! 

there's this thing called skypes, and i love him.  it.  i love it.  dang.  hehe...

i get to talk with him again.  really, love it.

talked with jak again, my friend since high school.  i sooo miss that girl.  found out something new.  she swore of drinking coz of what happened on my 18th birthday.  vodka chaser tequilla.  they got so majorly drunk.  of course, i didn't drink much so i was everybody's yaya.  yargh! 

will be seeing her and a couple of other friends soon.  so, yey.  that's like the only good thing really about the trip.  still with the scary i don't want to talk about.

my life is starting to make sense again.  sortof...

*inhale*

*hold*

just found out i have about a dozen nyquil in my cabinet.  amazing the things i find inside!  i thought i only had to.

what will happen if i take those green little gel-like thingys?  not fun.

it's one of those really, really good days.

too much to tell.  dunno where to start.  so i stop now.

messy, messy, messy.

i thrive in messy. 

but i'm bad with stress. 

or maybe i'm good with stress... to a point.  aren't we all? 

no.  i'm really bad stressed. 

i'm a very, very confusing person to be with.

i don't understand people.

correction: i don't understand adults.  i understand kids just fine.

i should stop trying to make sense of adults.  

i'll go sit in my corner and wait it out... 

i do not trust myself to write anything substantial... coherent even.

the neurons stopped firing.

p.s.

that' the problem when i'm in front of pc and i'm bored.  i feel the need to write even when i don't have anything to say.

lastest addiction: grey's anatomy

waiting for episode 17 of grey's anatomy is seriously testing my impulse control.  i want.  i want.  i want!

things to do:  none!!!  wohoo! 

well, i may need to start on a couple of stuff but... i'm procrastinating. ehehe... 

random thoughts for the day:

1. i want my knight in shining whatever.  i know it sounds medieval, but i'm just old-fashioned that way.  i seriously still believe in wanting to be a full time mom at least til the kiddies are in grade school...

2.  speaking of kiddies,  one of the people i work with in pre school wants one.  for a pre school, we are just so open minded about a lot of things, which is pretty cool.  i think norm na rin naman sha eh.  single parents.  alternative (same gender) households.  the deep, dark secret kind (mistress si mommy).  permanent live in status.

i don't think i can handle that.  permanent live in.  they both don't believe in marriage, so it works for them.  despite my seemingly lax views and practice on fidelity, i still believe in marriage and monogamy and the til death do us part thing.  i want kids.  maybe not right now.  oh gad!  of course, not right now.  but sometime in the future.  and i would prefer to have them with someone i'm married to.  not that i have anything against single parents.  but that is just sooo hard!  it's emotionally, financially, physically draining.  it's alot of work to make it really work.  i don't think i can handle it actually.

3.  speaking of pre school, i think i'm a sucky pre school teacher.  seriously!  i haven't had any complaints from parents and co-workers, but i know someone else can do a better job.  someone else is more competent in that position.  i'm sabog.  it's a normal state of mind.  kids shouldn't be exposed to sabog people.  well, shouldn't be taught by someone as scattered as i am.  plus, i have no idea if my student handling is right.  i guess i'm not doing too much of a sucky job, coz the parents are still happy with their kids.  but mostly i work on self-esteem and behavior.  my focus is not as centered on acads.  of course i plan on the acads part, but most of the reaction i get from parents is about their kid's behavior.  i have really, really quiet kids in class at the start of the sem.  and they're really quiet even in the house.  so the parents are happy that their kid is talking more, socializing more and telling stories (nakakahawa ang pagiging madaldal), when before they would just sit in one place and play by themselves.  and they were those who really very kulet, but somehow managed to behave.  i have no idea actually how that thing happened.  it feels like all of a sudden they were listening to me.  i was the voice of authority, more than their parents'.  weird. weird.  eniweiz, i think i should've focused more on acads...

4.  speaking of sabog, i'm inggit with caress.  she's so calm.  ALL THE TIME.  amazing!  calm and composed regardless of what's going on.  the time when we got bangga.  she was still poised.  i'm not like that.  i'm hyper.  i over-react alot.  the life of a drama queen. 

5.  for some reason, hindi ako low profile in class much this sem.  my wed class prof knows me prolly coz she's a camp-er too.  way, way upper batch nga lang.  but she's a camp-er, and hindi kami ganun kadami.  plus, i'm just seriously hyper in her class.  i talk alot.  i laugh alot.  i eat alot.  gad!  how orally fixated can you get?!  then on my thurs class, well that one i don't get much on the why.  but i hate it that he keeps looking my way when he discusses coz then i have to look attentive and sortof try to react.  he's gay so... i don't get it.  mukha ba kong lalake?!  hahaha!  so naturally, again, i have to share to the class every once in a while.  coz he's looking my way most of the time... and i'm just actually bored.  and i have no one to talk with.  hahaha!  pathetic much?

5.  there are things that happened that does not affect me in any way so i don't want to talk about it here. 

friendster status: single

baket single?!  di ba dapat in a relationship sha???

i have no idea about the whys and whens coz we haven't talked yet... but i don't plan on asking about it.  he'll share when he wants to.

it's just... sayang.  i'm not being a hypocrite.  i know na i like him alot and all that shit, but, i also know that he's really into her.  or was really into her.  is?  was?  nevermind.  whatever.  i remember pa when they weren't together yet and he would tell me all about her and how much into her he is.  and i seriously wanted them together coz he wanted her alot.  he prolly was into her as much as i am into him.  and it was soo nice they got together.  i'm a sucker for happy endings that way.

eniweiz, the point is, i seriously don't mind when people i like are with people they like.  coz that's how things should be.  gad!  i'm such a mistress! 

eniweiz, enough of that.

i'm evil... with my fickleness and mixed signals and stupid, irrational behavior.  disclaimer: this is not another entry about ex.  sooo over.  i think i'm gonna' get bad karma in the next couple of months again.  prepare for a sucky love life (pseudo-love life?).  karma is always swift and direct in my case.

i will seriously try to stop with the mixed signals.  i'm bad i know, but he's sooo conveniently here, and with bb so far, far away rarely talking with me and most prolly not into me, being just a good friend, i like that there's someone who's interested.  but he might be seriously into me.  can't handle that right now.

i hate it when i can only like one person at a time.  it's so inefficient. hahaha!  serial monogamist.

i am sooo predictable.  how boring is that?!

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

SO of a friend is leaving for canada indefinitely, and while she understands the reasons why, what we don't get is why the hell did he start it again (he was an ex, so recon ito) with her, knowing that he'll be leaving soon??? 

it's stupid.  such a waste of time. do you hate that much?!

i obviously sympathize with the girl.  i suck at good byes.  seriously.  if i leave  for far far away, i'd prolly pick a fight with every single one of my closest friends.  i'm demented that way.  the more attached i am to you, the bitchier i get when i leave.  i'm just really not good with handling emotions and dealing with people.  it's called coping mechanism.  and its way beyond faulty, but it's the only way i know how to deal.

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

this morning in pre school:

s: teacher, i don't like to go to school.

me: you don't like?  why?

s: because when i go to school i play with my classmates everyday.

me: ok. umm... you don't like to play with your classmates?

s: no.  i want to play alone or with ate miq (her big sister) only.

strange little girl...

after they sang the good bye song, the kids get a stamp.  when it was k's turn:

k: teacher i want homework.

me: we don't have homework today. i gave a note for you to give mommy on what you need to bring tom.

k: i want homework.

me: ok.  i'll give homework tomorrow.

strange, strange kids i have.

i have a guilty conscience.  which really sucks.   

i went to ortigas this afternoon and had a chat with destiny.  but i' not talking about her.  eniweiz, so i was there and i suddenly missed A again. i miss our coffee and movie days.

"i'm in gale.  coffee tayo.  let's kill time."

and he'll come.  at lunch time.  or in the middle of the afternoon.  doesn't really matter.  i have no idea what excuse he gives to his office, if he gives any.  i *heart* my kaladkarin friends.   he had to get married pa kasi eh. 

hahaha!  selfish ko!

i am currently addicted to bliss and lips of an angel by hinder, and sugar sweet by the icicles.  sooo nice.

going to the spa with the girls from work next week.  yey!  it's actually turning out to be a monthly thing since the start of the year. 

back pain relief.

casuality in the profession.

hard talaga if alang extra-curricular activities.  like, uh... gym! 

yep. 

gym is good for your back.  better get back there when i find the time.