things just really sucks right now...

You're faking a smile with the coffee to go 
You tell me your life's been way off line 
You're falling to pieces every time...

strangest thing happened.

watched ocean's 13 with kutz in greenbelt.  it was nice.  i think the first two were better though.  but, still nice.  eniweiz, so after the movie we went to the rest room. 

i saw ex's mom and sister. 

of course they don't know me.

the whole thing was still... strange.

of course, i may have been mistaken.  but that seems highly unlikely.... 

dahil masunurin akong bata....
 

RULES: Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs.

i feel like i've posted enough of my weird habits as it is, so i'm tweaking things a little to list my bad habits i ought to start changing, which, coincidentally is still weird, and may or may not be known to most people i know... 

1.  although i am reasonably smart (most of the time... i think),  i like playing ditzy.  it's fun.

2.  although i can pretty much manage most things on my own, i get a kick out of playing damsel in distress.  i know grrrl power and all that... but it's fun. *tee-hee*

3.   i'm messy but i'm very ob-c with details.  it doesn't make sense to me either.

4.  i'm perfectly aware that i should keep trying to gain weight but i hatehatehate it when my tummy gets bigger.  like when it looks bloated.  and i try to cut on food whenever it happens.  i have anorexic tendencies.

5.  i'm an attention junkie.  'nuff said.

6.  in spite of all the evidences that seems to point otherwise, i do want to be in a relationship.  seriously.

7.  i expect people to know exactly what i want, which is pretty impossible unless you're a mind reader, and i've yet to meet one.  i always keep assuming that if i have to tell you what i want done (strictly guy-i'm-sortof dating thing), it means that you don't really wanna do it.  it's been the cause of some major headaches on some guys i went out with.  conversation would go:

him: o, baket na?  what do you want?

me: kasi i want *thing to be done* 

him: ok, sige.  let's *do the thing to be done that i want*

me: wag na.

him: o baket naman?  akala ko ba gusto mo?

me: napipilitan ka lang.  nevermind na.

him: HINDI AKO NAPIPILITAN.  I JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

well... something to that effect.  i know, i'm such a headache...

8.   i like leaving the radio or tv on when i sleep.  i hate it when i sleep and it's extremely quiet.

9.  i like walking around the house in my undies.  bad when unexpected company comes up.  my puppy gives me warning though, so i think it's ok. 

10.  i'm very cheap, feed me and i will forgive you.  i have no idea how many times some-guy-i-went-out-with did this whenever we have a fight.  i find it very sweet.

i tag everybody who reads this.  that means YOU! 

I've never been confronted with my own thoughts
They don't bother me when I'm alone
Can you come over save me, because he won't stop
Now get him off his fucking throne
Caution the floor's wet in here, been crying
I don't know why he seems convinced I'm lying
I don't know what he's capable of doing
but he's hurting me

It's not his fault I made him lose his temper
I should know better not to talk to loud
There's no one out there who could love me better
I'm not like you, you are too proud

Caution the floor's wet in here been crying
I don't know why he seems convinced I'm lying
I don't know what he's capable of doing
but he's hurting me

Don't leave me
Please believe me
Baby there is
I can explain
Please love me
Please need me.

I've never been confronted with m own thoughts
They don't bother me when I'm alone
Can you come over save me, because he won't stop
Now get him off his fucking throne.

kinda makes me think of battered housewives and psychopath boyfriends.  i love it. 

first the good news... for the few people who knew what i was up to last month, just heard about it, i went very well. thank you. *mwah, mwah, mwah* i wasn't a waste of time and money. thank God!

heard three wedding bell news.  do it soon people.  i wanna get all dressed up again!  minus the tummy.  yargh!  super hating it right now.  i want it off!  you don't need to bring a date on those things... do you?  shoot.  love life's been blah.  nothing new there.  i'm done with denial.  which came at the same time as anger.  bargaining? hmm... i think i did alot of that already.  depression? i haven't been manic all these time... but, hmm...  eniweiz, i'm accepting.  so let me live vicariously through yours. hehehe... 

life starts tomorrow.

how pathetic is that?  my life starts when i work.

we have scrub suits for work.  i got mine na!  monday's orange and wednesday's red.  both checkered.  i know it may sound awful, but they're really, really nice.  will try to post pic.  and the good part, it does not make us look like yayas!  seriously.

learning last friday:

how do you know if the person beside you works in a call center?  here's a very short checklist.

• jacket (even though its already 90 degress outside)
• earphones (connected to ipod or create or whatever music player they have)
• ID necklace, or cellphone necklace, or both
  

the day has been a total waste.

i could've went to work.  but nooo, practicum place told me there's orientation today, so i cancelled work.  huwaw!  ang saya ng orientation.  the waiting took longer than the actual.  the travel took longer than the actual.  and the school's in BF lang.  hmp.

funny thing last saturday.  went to dili to do research. (hah! research my ass! i'm still procrastinat-y with stupid thesis)  enweiz, had to do home first, so was on my way around lunch time.  haven't eaten yet, so texted people who might be in dili.  bad habit.  i texted A:

me: heya! wanna lunch? dili.

A: i have a wife now (ok na sana), lets lunch on a weekday. (huwat?!)

my reaction was prolly pretty weird coz the people were looking at me kinda' funny.

but i'm keeping my promise. no more next time.

got tagged by <a xhref="http://www.tabulas.com/~hitorisetsunai/" mce_href="http://www.tabulas.com/~hitorisetsunai/">

Name seven songs that you're currently listening to and tag seven other people.

theme from the chalets - the chalets

You're making us wanna un-buckle our trousers
You're making us wanna

tightened our skirts --> first two lines just kills me

I say high, you say low
You say why, and I say I don't know
Oh, no
You say goodbye and I say hello --> can you say LSS  for weeks now???

sugar sweet - the icicles

baby don't you ever leave cause
everything's cool

you are here with me --> not that i'm sappy in love right now, but this song just gives me a happy

wasted - carrie underwood

I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

A mistake - fiona apple

Ive acquired quite a taste
For a well-made mistake

girlshapedlovedryg - gomez

A fragment of the girl
Soft and sentimental
The side she tries not to share

dirty business - the dresden dolls She's the kind of girl who only asks you over when its raining
Just to make you lie there catching water dripping from the ceiling

i don't do tagging so... feel free to feel tagged if you want. 

this may be progress... no longer do you ignore vague questions and explanations which require psychics to answer right, you actually ask now what i meant, regardless of the "neverminds" and "doesn't matter" that i keep sprouting off, which is definitely what i a need. i need to know when you don't understand. sometimes i get lost and thinks everybody think the way i do (God forbid!). it's unintentional really... this assumption that everyone's a psychic.  progress is good.

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

i have new home care patient. a very old woman living near diliman. she is the sister of a previous patient. oh, yes! family PT ito. it's pretty far from where i live, but at least now i get motivated to go to diliman. yes, the thought of graduating by march 2008 is not motivation enough to spend how much fare and effort going to diliman to do research. and i need the money. i am so much more into shopping nowadays. bad habit. keel!

anyway, the old lady lives with her 2 other sisters, all of them old maids. i have actually been warned by the nephew: "pasensyahan mo yang mga yan. masusungit na yang mga yan eh. matatandang dalaga kasi. kaya ikaw mag-asawa ka ha?" why not?! but let's start short-term, boyfriend muna. hm... or long-term goal setting na ba yan?

but everything went fine. they all loved me. moral of the story: when your doing home care for the oldies, it helps alot when you're pretty.

i actually need to get more work. unfortunately, that would cut off time spent for practicum which i cannot afford coz i need to complete 300 hours, and minus the weekly time i take out for work, i have no more time for more work. bad trip pa with practicum, if you don't complete the 300 hours by the end of the sem, you automatically get dropped from the course. di man lang incomplete. hmp.

once again i am addicted to the fake shark's fin with the equally fake haiananese rice. i can't help it though. seriously loving eating that stuff. i don't however eat anything else from that place though. nothing else. at all. i got stuck with shark's fin and rice since the first time i went there. i never felt the need to try something else.

kinda' sounds like the way i lead my life.  stuck.

strange, but i'm pretty happy right now.  not that i have major issues or something to that effect... it's just something new.  i'm not bored.  i'm feeling good and i don't know why.  just good.  not high.   like *kilig* high.  maybe coz i've been spending alot of days out with friends.  and there's just soo much to do that i don't have time to get bored.  and being in the house just makes me happy to be in the house coz then i could sleep and read as much as i want.

whatever the reason, i hope the good feeling stays.

p.s.

bb's coming home soon. yey!  i miss him.  hopefully, i'll see him when he gets back.

And for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
Phew, for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself

my pc needs fixing.

i will attempt to fix it on my own.

hahaha! good luck.

being harassed to do it by myself.

it's easy naman daw kasi to do why do i need to call pc person to fix it for me.

hmp.

fine.

i let myself be bullied sometimes.

if my pc suddenly bursts into flame or something, i will wring his neck.

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

first day in practicum place in BF.

t'was good.

not as bad as i think.

gad! i almost forgot high school math!

que horor!

there were two cute little boys.

one in grade 5.

the other in third year high school.

oh gad! can you say pedophilia?!

one of the teachers there is a PT.

he asked me if i reviewed before in IQ.

i did.

"so that's why you look familiar."

my ass.

like you'd remember any of the reviewees in that center.

not only were we a-plenty,

and that it was 4 years ago.

i was never friendly with the lecturers, staff... and most other people that did not come from my college,

coz i'm usually anti-social that way.

and i'm not the type that you remember.

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

paralyzing fear/anxiety do happen.

i have a kid today,

very pretty girl,

can't walk

but no physical problem.

just scared and anxious and paralyzed with it.

takes forever to stand up.

needs help walking.

unless you get her relaxed.

which i do by making chika

definitely what i'm good at.

kids like me.

i wish the charm works for guys my age.

hahaha!

why i am putting up with the bullying and the holier-than-thou attitude i have no idea either.  must be crazier than i thought.

maybe i can blame it to stress...

it's been work, work, work all day everyday lately.  gad.  i have no life.

thank gad for dinner with friends.

i'm aching to do something stupid.

i just realized while walking through the rows and rows of clothes and bags and shoes that my impulse control with shopping is better than my impulse control with men.

that is not saying much for shopping.

not that i have none for men.

i do.

...when i don't like them.

...and slightly when i do.

i wanna watch transformers (more than meets the eye... i keep singing that after.  bad habit.  kinda' like whenever we say california

california here we come/right back where we started from/cali-for-nia/caliiii-foooor-niaa

or downtown

down-town

i miss tin!!!

eniweiz, back to the movie. 

dunno really why i wanna watch it.  i don't know anything about the movie except that it's transformers, and from what i remember during my kiddie days.

this is early onset of second childhood.

i feel the need to watch.  i'm an 80's kid.  i grew up on transformers and voltes-v and voltron

form feet and legs/ form arms and torso/and i form... the HEAD!

and bioman and shaider(with annie and her white and sometimes yellow panties peeping whenever she jumps down from crates and stuff)

aliw di ba?

hm... i grew up watching violent cartoons...

see!  watching violent shows does not make one a violent person.  i;'m a living proof!  slightly strangely mental, but non-violent.

they say pink is the color of violence.

i knew it!  violent people are  closet gays.  most violent people (and i use the term loosely) i know are homophobic.  hmm....