i'm getting suffocated.  i need space.  i know.  strange thing to be coming from me.  suffocated?  space? me?  i tend to cramp on other people's space most of the time, so maybe this is karma.  i don't mind seeing you more than once a week, every freakin week.  but i do get busy sometimes.... remember how many jobs i'm juggling right now?  and sometimes i do want to spend time with other people. and i can't deal with you sulking while pretending to be ok with it but making sure i know you're not ok everytime i can't see you.

sometimes i get tempted to tell you to just leave me alone.  but i can't, and i won't.  it's not that i don't like you, or that i don't like spending time with you, coz i honestly do like.  but i can't breath anymore.

i need time off.   give me my space.

and i'm not even talking about a boyfriend. argh!

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

gave a half day lecture this afternoon.  i was talking from 2-6:30.  can you believe that???  in front of 52 students in a big room with no microphone.  thank gad preschool taught me how to make my voice louder.  i need to learn to modulate though, this can't be good for my throat.  and my back is killing me!  standing there for more than 4 hours was hell for my back.  you know what's the best therapy for low back pain? *wink, wink* *tee-hee*

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

okray moment (i know i'm being mean and i can't help it):

there's a seminar scheduled for tomorrow (sunday) in PCPI.  an acquaintance i shared the seminar with texted me last friday:

ja: ms janine, open po ba yung PCPI pag saturdays?

me: i'm not sure.

ja: kasi po i can't attend the seminar on sunday, i'll just go tomorrow (sat).

waaah! utang ng loob.  di ka ba nakaka-attend ng seminar buong buhay mo?  gumawa ba tayo ng sariling sched?! of course i texted back something alot nicer than that.  pero, shet, naloka talaga ko dun. 

speaking about last friday, it was fun.

day after the pseudo-coup.  there was no traffic in makati! huwaw!  i was amazed.

watched really cheesy movie (which was really funny and sappy at the same time... and no, i'm not telling you what movie) with a friend .  then had a high school-ish non-date with uh... another friend, i guess. interesting night.

i hope my next weekend will be just as interesting.  remember the ultimatums and the threats? hmm... will most definitely see... 

random thought 1: forget the ultimatums and the threats and whatnots. i'm no longer interested.

random thought 2: i think i actually took on more work that i can handle.  oh noes!

random thought 3: most weekends are going to be busy... my friends are determined for me to socialize.  i have no problem socializing... i have trouble getting interested. 

random thought 4: pre-school is stressing me out. i know it's stupid to stress on pre-school, but why are you determined to make things difficult?  i mean, seriously, don't you have other things to do with your time other than obsess about unnecessary details?

random thought 5: i need a nice christmas song... everything's just been done.

random thought 6: all i want for christmas is you (ok, so i'm kinda' vague on the who yet, should make it public once i actually know. hahaha!)

friend said her therapist said i'm good for her.  unfortunately, putting up with more of well... stuff, and i'll be the one needing therapy soon.  thank goodness i have outlets.  like the mind-numbing weekend sex i'll be getting soon with god-knows-who. hahaha! kidding, kidding.

he's doing the reverse psych on me, and it's seriously working.  shit.  impulse control, impulse control... i'm hating this but at the same time... urgh! why can't things ever work out smoothly with me?  this is supposed to be hassle-free!  so how come lines are getting all tangled up in knots?!

went with friend to serendra for cupcakes and heaven and eggs.  gad! it's such a hassle.  we got lost in makati four times.  stupid one ways and wrong turns from trying to get away from traffic!  i would've happily stayed in RP since i was there na to begin with, but nooo.... i had to drag myself to las salle. 

eniweiz, on the way to CAMP, had strange funny airhead moment. 

there was this girl.  slightly older looking, funky artsy type, i'm guessing.  i was lugging this huge book on motor control and motor learning, and i guess it was screaming "conversation piece!".  this girl went all smiles and asked if i'm an OT.  apparently she is, and i told her i'm actually teaching (i was wearing my comfy, flirtyty shirt so i'm thinking, not kagalang-galang).

"ah! you're teaching in CAMP?"

naturally, i assumed she's a CAMPer too. so i thought, uh-oh.  someone i know prolly upper batch who's name i don't know shit.  i have blonde moments.  alot actually.  i know sometimes i come off as bright, but seriously, blonde.  so eniweiz, we started talking about common people.  the usual. so you know this PT or OT or SP  thingie.  then she asked for my card.  so, ok, no biggie.  then before she left, she introduced herself.  she's not a CAMPer pala!  OT din, but from another school.  urgh!  the things i always forget to ask.

she called when i was on my way home, but i was with friend, so didn't really talk.  when i asked her why she was calling,

"i'll just call again tomorrow.". 

so, again, why???? 

LESSON LEARNED 

never play mind games with an expert.

you're bound to lose.

especially if you have more to lose... 

there would be days like this when i would suddenly miss you...

how you talk...

smile...

kiss me... 

did you know you were my perfect? 

funny. 

i am super bad with my blushes.  seriously.

it's such a dead giveaway.

i keep telling my college studs (hmm... that sounds niiiice....) to "zip" (i meant quiet. the stud thing might have given you ideas. tsk, tsk...), and "pack away" when we finish the class.

i just really can't do the pssst... thing.  or the shhhht.... thing coz i can't.  it's just panget.  i have no logical reason.  oh! it irritates me. that's logical reason to not like it.  oui?

die HR people!!! i hate HR. incompetent lots all of them.  yargh! totally pissed me the whole afternoon.  if this keeps up, i'll be resigning na.  it's too much hassle i don't want to deal with.

last week had my pic taken for yearbook. yess! yearbook daw talaga!  not mine though.  this is for college. yuck! as faculty. hahaha! so had to go through this hair and make-up route, where the girl shaved my eyebrows! waaah! i have virgin eyeborws ok? i don't want to maintain so i leave it alone.

girl: pikit ka.

me, obedient daw, pikit naman, then i felt something sharp on my brows.  waaah! eyebrows ko! 

well, i really couldn't do anything about it.  alangan naman, STOP! labo.

at least it didn't look bad.

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

bought this really cute dress for christmas party in college. i feel it's very very decent.

see how i even have this lacy thingy inside to hide the non-existent boobies from popping out of the plunging neckline?

cors everybody's telling me it's way too short to be decent.  but it's prettier as is.  decent length naman di ba?

yeah, i know.  my mirror needs serious cleaning.

was supposed to post after-preschool-christmas-party, but t. jam hasn't posted it yet so nothing to steal... one of these days...

one down, yey! preschool is over, so waiting for other work stuff to get done and i'm on vacation na. yey! i asked bb when their break will be, "sa 24 and 25, unless mag-leave ka."

oops. i forgot regular, normal people don't get christmas sem breaks. see? playing grown-up. tsk, tsk...

so we had christmas party where my kids and the toddler's class (sige na, damay na rin) did really well with our totally fun, non-christian-evangelist-group dance number. hahaha! then we went to daycare/outreach for the rest of the party.  shempre, how weird, the baranggay captain dropped by for some photo-ops which i get not.  anubayun?! shempre coz i was "onstage", kasama ko sa phot-op (eeew!).  there was one shot where i was standing beside baranggay captain. nag-feeling close and placed his hand on my waist (more eeew!).  i hate strangers touching me.  seriously.  i'm all touchy and all with friends and uh... friends plus (especially when drunk) but strangers, i like not. so eniweiz, apparently, i'm too expressive for my own good.  and i thought i was hiding it pretty well!  lech.  hahaha!

p.s.

so once again i am pissed with ex. with the capital GRRR....  seriously.  the thing with the "my way or the highway" thing is getting waaay old.  AND TIRING!  urgh! i pormise myself not to make up with him too soon.  i can be such a dormat at times... most times.  will be having alcoholic nights (which i think he likes not) again anyway so... pbfft!

pics from the other day party:

 obviously, pinutol nya head ko.  oks sana if may cleavage to show di ba??? hahaha!

 playschool teachers.  the "pang-kabaong hands" according to t. jam.  seriously though, we we're slouched on the wall kasi eh.  might fall down!

 mag-project daw! si t. grace lang scary face.

 one time big time scary face of t. rachel.

we're just puffy. hahaha! 

 shoes fun!  gawain ng mga walang magawa talaga...

 here is where we're pouty coz we tamad to get moving.

i think this is the favorite pose.  all the time na lang talaga naman!

oooh. got loads from playschool kiddies. yey!  was surprised actually.  wasn't expecting much loot from them this year being sub teacher and there only twice a week.  but they remembered.  awww...

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

christmas party in univ this morning. two down!  t'was fun.  one of the co-works commented that fun daw my class.  the kids love me.  ok so technically i shouldn't be calling my students kids anymore seeing that some of them look actually older than i am (looks lang... i'm still older. hahaha), but... habit.  so yey, not boring.

strange whatever with exchange gift.  there's this guy there that i was sortof very very slightly crushing on.  the first time i saw him anyway.  typical chicano (as jak would describe him), semi kal slightly taller slightly tanned.  never really made an effort to know him given that i rarely stay in the faculty room coz i've got my hands full with my classes.  apparenty, he's the one supposed to give me gift.  we have this wish list. i just wrote there red bag. should be easy right?  comment nya before he gave me my gift (you have to make a little speech about your baby): "natakot ako bilhan sha ng gift" so instead he gave me cash (how corny noh? i like opening presents!), which is ok na rin i guess.  here's where he got weird.  so he went to me tapos abot the envelope then sabay kiss sa cheek (o di ba, hindi man lang beso?!).  everyone was like, shet! close pala kayo ah! of course, i was just smiling but i was actually unable to process the whole thing.  weh?!  sana crush pa rin kita para at least may kilig factor.

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I 

almost done shopping. yey! bought most everybody gifts.  i know i'm going broke and all, but the bazaar was just super nice and i like buying people gifts. so there. feet were all achey after i got done though.

i have the worst voice right now.

sore throat from yesterday got alot worse after a night of alcohol, smokes and karaoke.  i can no longer talk beyond a whisper. hopefully it will get better tomorrow else i'll be communicating through mime with my patients.  yargh!

got a little more than slightly drunk last night.  so strong ice isn't really something i can handle very well.  hahaha! thank gad papa third knows where i live coz i was dozing in and out during the ride back to my house.  he's only been in my house once.  i was amazed!  i guess that's how it really is with people who knows their directions. hehe...

and because i was a-little-more-slightly-drunk, i started picking more things to fight with ex.  he won't be talking to me again anytime soon i'm thnking.  yes, merry christmas indeed. 

took 2 caps of nyquil before i went to bed.  slept for 12 hours straight.  but i don't think it has anything to do with the meds though.  hmm... i think i need the real deal now. 

so i just found out something. apparently, i have someone to invite to social stuffs. hah!  who'd have thought? i usually go solo because it's just too hassle to come up with anyone to invite. i can never ask whoever i'm currently in pseudo-relationship with coz more often than not, they are in a real relationship with someone else... and that's just weird (weirder? hehehe).  and ex is just plain complicated so i try not to hassle my life, and his (for that matter).  and there would the just-dating-people who is just awkward to invite coz it might complicate the delicate balance of things that make no sense at all.  yes, obviously, i do a lot of things that has no point, and i am (was) perpetually in very dysfunctional relationships for as long as i can remember.  and seriously, i have got to stop this (not to mention stopping in beginning every sentence with "and" coz that's just wrong).

 so, yeah, i think this ought to be going to my new year's list.  say no to complicated, yes to normal. pbbft!

so being drunk on tequila and drowning in cough syrup actually opens up a whole new string of thought that you may otherwise be suppressing on lucid moments.

i am not a happy camper. (lol.)

no wonder i chose (unintentionally) to live in denial for the longest time.

my life: a long chain of denial and  lousy substitutes.

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

hitched a ride home with ria the other day. was at ratsky's with univ people, and she was in coffee bean with psych department, which was walking distance lang from where i was.  one of the people there, after a very, very short inconsequential conversation with me, suddenly announced to everyone that she would like to fix me up with one of their collegues in the department.

"wha- huh?"

chinese-looking people never held any attraction to me.  pass.

i'm makulet. i'm attention-seeky.  i whine, i rant, i pick fights.  i have lousy timing.  i have too much drama.  i have an inappropriate need for you. 

i'm an imperfect girl. 

can't you just love me anyway? stop trying to change me...

so sometimes my entries make me nauseous.

talk about pathetic.

hahaha! 

good times.

a few days ago i couldn't sleep coz i've been coughing like crazy at night.  last night i couldn't sleep coz i couldn't cough at all.  holding breath before coughing doesn't work.  tracheal tickle was inconsistently effective.  i was inches away from strangling myself just to cough (it actually helped). i tired huffing instead, but the parents now think i'm having an asthma attack.

"i can breathe fine.  i just can't cough."

you know the feeling when you're about to cough, the chest expands, you hold your breath for a second, then forceful expiration.  unfortunately for me, my throat would suddenly close right before expiration and i couldn't really cough it out. 

now i have a headache from too much air.

my bad, i've been taking antitussives, so duh.  but, it's dry.  so tama lang right? 

i still don't have my voice back too.  good luck sa pasukan if this doesn't let up.

and i have lakad again tonight. I'm gonna' die na!

(friends, specifically ails, if you're reading this, i seriously seriously wanna see you guys kaya i'll be seeing you even if i have almost no voice with a really weird coughing issue.)

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

so bored most of the day yesterday.  followed the breadcrumbs and randomly checked blogs (fine. i can't do randoms sanely.).  so anyway, found two stranger blog entries talking about a the same incident, pretty much like a he says/she says version of the story.  coolness. 

so chismis of strangers: they were in a date of sorts.  girl finds guy nice and interesting, and goes on how she isn't really like this during dates and stuff; and guy talked about scoring points on the girl.  typical.  i could post links, but i'd rather not.  it's just aliw.

so i'm thinking , the handling of current issues: bad.  i'm getting all self-destructo again.  kinda like summer of last year.  actually i think i seriously go loco during summers. 

so, not going there anymore. 

no medicated sleeps (except when i have really bad coughing spells), no alcoholic binges, no late nights of rated-fun.

met dili peeps last night (minus hersh and minet. sad.). yey! pics galore again (which i'll be upping as soon as i get them).  so anyway topic turned gift-giving.

i have this thing, if the plan is to buy something expensive, i would be looking mostly at generic gifts (shirts, wallet, bags, belt, head phones, etc.) then focusing on good brand.  if i go for cheap (which is most often the case. hehe), kailangan may thought-process involved.  it has to mean something.  sortof of like pang-bawi. hahaha! ergo, expensive gifts are easier to recycle coz cheap gifts are person-specific. tama naman di ba?

i'm killing time.

so i'm posting my christmas wish list. 

1. a really, really good back massage.  i can crack my back on my own na sa sobrang tigas. 

2. alarm clock. i know, i know it sounds really stupid and all.  but i find the old-fashion looking ones really cute. hehe... plus, i really need to stop being late na.

3. of course, boxes! again, sounds stupid.  but really, you can never have enough boxes. 

this would do as well if you think the first ones are kinda too loud. 

4.  it's some lip thingy from body shop  i lost last summer.  and i want one again coz i hate it when i lose stuff. 

5. this is just sooo pre-school, but i totally love the days of the week undies.  it's cute! plus you won't really have to think of what to wear (at least for a week) in the mornings, you just get the right day. PLUS! if you forget what day it is, you can always take a peep. hahaha! (fyi: if you're into this too, they're actually selling it in juicy couture, in rustans)

so more when i get back...  

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been slightly envious of friends from big families.  Stories of grand exchange gifts, parlor games during Christmas eve, people in your age group to hang out with… sounds like the best kind of fun. 

Christmas in our household is spent in almost always the same way.  Christmas mass followed by stuffing our faces with food, opening gifts then sleeping around midnight.  Except for this one Christmas my friend spent in my house where we didn’t sleep until morning the next day, and spent the rest of the night talking and finishing off the whole block of lasagnas. 

I’m from this humongous family of (ta-da) FOUR.  Add two more, a grandma and a grandpa from either side, and we have a family reunion of six people.  SIX.  That would be my extended family.  By some funny strange coincidence, both my parents are only child.  What are the chances huh?  So, no aunts, no uncles, no cousins...  Sure my parents have cousins.  They actually have a lot of those around.  But of course, during major holidays, they spend it with their real relatives in the province.  You know, their actual aunts and uncles and cousins. 

When we were young, the tons of gifts made up for it a lot.  But as we grew older, well, it does get a little sad at times.  I mean, I love my sister to death, but there would be times when I wish there were more of us (God forbid there would be more of me… that would just be… horrible. To say the least).  More sisters.  Maybe a brother?  I’ve always wanted an older brother.  The whole “I’ve got an older bro who’s gonna’ kick your ass if you mess some more with me” used to be a dream.  See the propensity towards bad ass older men?  Yeah, I’m slightly incestuous like that (eeew!).  anyway, add to the equation my amazing social skills and incredible ability to hold long-term relationships (fine. Any kind of relationship), it kinda’ helps a lot when you have people stuck to be with you whether they want to or not.  A man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man. [godfather]

So maybe when I’m all grown-up and mature, I’d end up with a guy from a big family with tons of brothers or sisters or both.  And maybe I’d end up hating it.  I have heard the horror stories as well –the complicated family dramas and all (like I ever run out of dramas of my own to deal with).  maybe i actually have it good.  maybe the grass is really just seems greener the other side of the fence...

MERRY CHRISTMAS (in advance) PEOPLE!!! 

was supposed to post this last night, but didn't.

major tripping to tagaytay.  no plans, no maps (baaad for people with no sense of direction), no idea.

ok so we had a plan: WE WANT TO ZOO!

unfortunately, we woke up the next day with rain overhead. good luck ang day in the zoo di ba? we were actually thinking of cancelling the trip... but if we do that, we might never follow through anymore... so kebs na to the weather.

 the people:

funny sign lang sa may toll:

yeah, yeah. babaw! and it wasn't too clear coz we were moving and i still suck at taking pics.

first stop: mcdo tagaytay to pick up passenger.

next stop:

 unfortunately, our directions person (who is not me!) kinda' sucks at directing, so we had to ask for directions alot, and make plenty of u-turns.

this is what greeted us at the gate:

putik! yuckiness! 

we rode this horrible golf cart which naturally did not keep rain water out, and maximized cam whoring instead.

 see? the three eyelids? i didn't.  but doesn't he look like ET?

 this is just cute.

 where we wasted almost 30 minutes of our time waiting for the bagyo to let up a little.

this shot i like really really much.  i know how to focus and unfocus at the same time na! yey! i'm a cam idiot. pagbigyan... 

we were terribly hungry after but had no idea where to eat.  heard hacienda isabella's really good.  fortunately, we saw some signs to there while going to paradizoo, we we followed the signage.  unfortunately, when we got there it's closed we think...

k: (seeing the half open gate) sara yung gate. baka close. 

us: baka hindi. baka dapat we knock or something.

k: parang walang tao.

us: meron yan. baba ka. check mo!

k: baba talaga ko?

us: GO!

k: (after taking a peek inside) tingin ko close talaga eh. wala talagang tao inside. alis na tayo.

good thing kat suggested we go to leslie's instead.  buti na lang jay knows how to get there.  of course we had to drive back, but we wanted something tagaytay-ish, so back it is.

 the before pic, i forgot to take. super starving!

me: di ba we ordered family rice? baket ubos na bulalo pa lang nakakain natin. we have sisig and fish pa!

k: marami kaya yun.

jay: 5 na cups kaya nilagay ko sa'yo. akala ko nga magrereklamo ka na madami eh.

oops. hehehe... yeah i know, i binge.  although sometimes i forget to eat too. kaya quits lang.  no wonder i don't get fat! 

really good service!  and yumminess the food.

major rest room trips.  it's soo quaint kasi.  although major health hazard!

see those railroad tracks? cute and nice, but if an old or differently-abled (yes, keeping it politically-correct!) person steps on there, big chance of slipping and them getting sued.  people sue for that here right?

next stop: residential inn.  it's free kasi if you go to paradizoo na, so what the hell.  might as well make the most of the trip.

tiger, tiger! go rawr!

have i ever told you how much i hate snakes? but hold it i did coz almost everybody else did.

me: manong, lumalapit yung ulo nya sakin.  manong, ilayo nyo! ilayo nyo!

last stop: bag o' beans.

it was at this point where my camera batteries got empty, so... no more pics.  but it's a really, really nice place. best tasting cheesecake ever! and it's just sooo comfy inside.  and the light were soo purty outside.  sayang talaga no pics.

after a million times getting lost, we got home.

gad! the whole trip took us 13 hours!  but it was super fun.  and 'cept for gas (thanks k!!!), we spent around 600 lang. amazing!

woke up slightly achey... and not in a bad way.

 did 1...

2...

3...

4...

5...

6...

6 new things yesterday.

good times! although there are some i wouldn't be doing  again... coz i'm stuck into small niceties like that.

rihanna's song is still playing on repeat in my head.

 so maybe there's something to this that i should keep an open-mind with...

p.s.  my occupation in friendster says corruptor of youth. this is just too funny in ways i would never explain.

p.p.s. don't you just lurve those moonsies

dinner with college friends last night.  7 girls at dampa, macapagal.

we ordered 1 kilo of everything! when the food got there, we realized we ordered crabs, shrimps, tahong, pinakbet, calamares and sinigang.

fish to the waiter:  last na yan sa inorder namin di ba? di ba??? (looking at the sinigang)

too much much much food.  urgh!

of course conversation would not be complete without a discussion of love life.

 tet got engaged.  ring pretty.

us: patingin ng ring!

tet took off the ring and passed it to us.

us: corny! extend your hand and wiggle your fingers!

hahaha! panalo!  this would be the girl, who years and years ago, whose future wedding with bf-now-turned-fiancee, i vowed never to attend coz i hated the guy.  he has not endeared himself to me til now, but given the complications in the upcoming wedding... yeah, i promised to help out. wuss! 

nini: so janine, sinong bagong inahas mo?

me: leche. excuse me, not in any pseudo whatever with anyone in a relationship for a long time na!

fish: baket ba kasi ayaw mo mag-bf ng tunay?

me: it's not that i don't want-

k: takot sha sa commitment. period. wag ka na humirit.

complete with scary eyes! hahaha! 

and lines were dropped:

"pagnabuntis si nini, mag suicide ako!"

"mas likely pa magka-gf si nini kesa bf noh." 

" pagnagka-matinong bf si janine, magpapakasal na ko."

puneta. 

the best hirit last night came from our religion teacher/numerary friend:

friend: k, are you happy?

k: uh... ok naman.

friend: your shorts is too short!

 k: what???

friend: it's because i care.

shet! na-miss ko na mga 'to! 

to end 2007, i decided to look back on the shot that went down during the last 12 months.  to be honest, it wasn't real pretty.  my life is indeed a series of re-runs.  and not the funny ones at that... unless you have a thing for the manic depressive short-term memory loss emo-ness which would be me (did that even make sense at all??).

and because i have nothing better to do, let me share with you my words of wisdom (or idiocy, which would prolly be more apporpriate) to share for the past months.  mainly for lack of better things to do (coz 3 weeks vacation is seriously bad for me):

JANUARY

• it's always better to know when you're jumping in a sinking boat.  of course, other people might counter, why jump in a sinking boat in the first place?

• liking/loving is like one of those self-limiting conditions.  it doesn't matter if there's no intervention, it will be cured; but no rehab will result in secondary complications.

• maybe that's all that people really are after, small doses of happiness before facing the gut wretching truth that life sucks... regardless if you're basing it on something fictitious.  happiness is an emotion independent of truth.

FEBRUARY

• when you take sleeping pills, you better make sure no one finds you for a long while, otherwise, the pillls will just get pumped out.  and nothing is worse than suicide than a failed suicide.

APRIL

• i refuse to run after "things" that refuse to get caught.  it's tiring and painful and very, very stupid.

• a guy in a relationship is my version of safe... safe means no risk of getting hurt.  no expectations means i'm not going to get hurt.

JUNE

•  when you're doing home care for the oldies, it helps alot when you're pretty.

JULY

• so maybe we are really born evil. that's why being nice is just too hard to do... and pretty impossible for some people.
• ignoring will not make the bad things go away.

AUGUST

• gambling leads to unfortunate events which ends up in tears over inappropriate men.
• why people stay in abusive relationships: It’s the thought that nobody will love you the way you want to be loved... that he alone can give you what you need... that he alone understands you.

SEPTEMBER

• playing damsel in distress is highly addictive.
• ang yosi may alcohol content.  therefore do not smoke and drink.
• drink only in one position.  preferably sitting down. once you move out of position, you get drunk.
• things are always better when emotionally attached.
• when it comes to dealing with people, you should have a locator map

OCTOBER

• know there are other songs i would soon hear, i would fall in love with from the start, yet this irrational need to know how our song ends still keeps me hanging... stop hitting the play button... throw this song out... learn how to walk away.

• the universe means well, regardless of how much suckiness i get in my life.  things happen for a reason.

• anyone who makes my hand go numb is a good person to have.

• there's security in knowing, in expecting a reaction... if you do x, you get a y... and in your head, it's always better to get a y from an x; than an i... because i does not exist in your world.  and the bad is always welcome because it it the bad that you were expecting anyway.

• you can't be hurt by people you don't care about.  the less i give out, the less i expect back.

• defense mechanisms are not bad if it helps you to deal.

NOVEMBER

• there's just too much fun to be had after the drinking to just be wasted on sleeping.
• tear duct activation delays neural transmission

• if you're really just into it for the sex, wouldn't it be much better with some stranger you-loved-not, than getting into this emotional mess of ex and affections?

• when you're with someone with a gf, there's really not a lot you can expect.  and if you fall for him, tough.  but it's a the kind of pain that you really expect to be coming.  you expect to not get the guy.

i'm not reposting december stuff coz that's just much tooo soonish. and i think i've actually just been trippin' on the links thing. *tee-hee*

as this would be the last post for the year, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!