was gonna' write this post about our field trip last thursday but since i'm to lazy to write, let em just post pics. story later.

at pacem (pronounced as pa-chem) eco-park in assumption antipolo 

toured the butterfly museum

and bugs... that look like cabbage leaf

i love that i got the legs 

 hmm... mirror?

gummy caterpillar 

where's the bar? haha! 

always loved ball pools!

 twirly fun!

teachers gone crazy with the net! 

escapist from ward 7 

"yes we are!" 

 "shh..."

" i save you from giant croc!"

this is going to be short.

once again, i am killing time until we leave for lunch.

last night, i made spaghetti!  on my own!  ok fine, the maid helped.  but still...  it was sour and thick and yummy.  the meat was a little crunchy but the sauce took the crunchy-goodness away (which is good coz i don't think crunchy ground beef is the thing for spags).

why is this a big deal?

i don't cook.  i am bad in the kitchen.  i burn things when i try to fry them and food just doesn't look like the way it should when i make them.

in an alternate universe where i get married, guy has to know how to cook.  lest he wants to subsist in take out til we're old and grey. 

watched 27 dresses last with with bff k and jace.

so it was supposedly just with bff k.  we wanted to check the new cinemas in RP.  but i got lost going to RP.  seriously.  i spent almost 6 years in manila, and i still manage to get lost going to RP!  in all fairness, i was coming from somewhere totally different.  i was coming from college, duh!  i never go to RP from college.  yes, my sense of direction is that bad.

so i got down at remedios and walked all the way back to pedro gil.  i'd get lost more if i ride.  go figure.

walking back i passed by padi's point. flashback: there was a guy i went out with way back whom i ditched 5 minutes into the date.  there was absolutely nothing wrong with him.  he was nice and cute, and pretty decent.  but i was little miss crazy, so yeah... stupid.

on the way, i bumped into jace.  he was on his way to deliver something to a friend.  of course, typical me, i dragged him with me to meet with bff k and watch movie instead.  yes, i have a bad habit of dragging people in my lakads whenever i bump into them.  i know it's a chick flick and i shouldn't be dragging guys to watch it with us, but i think it's a fun movie.

speaking of jace, somebody help him please!  i mean, he's cute and geeky interesting and sometimes fun, but he does suck in the girl's department.  i've been pushing him for years to go after the girls he's into, nada!  it's all talk which ends up nowhere with nothing.  man.  i'm getting frustrated.

case in point: he told me about some girl he went out with who's pretty and  all that.  girl asked him out. but they haven't gone out yet since then. 

why? 

the girl hasn't asked him out yet. 

*palmface slap*

this would usually earn me a virtual batok.

absolutely favorite in the movie:  when girl dropped her filofax and guy found it, before returning it, he wrote his name on all the saturdays til the end of the year.  annoying but aww...

you know how when some people kiss in the movie, and then they realize that there's nothing there.  it does happen.  its strange when it does though.

if the title somehow gave you the impression that i was going to actually write something about the movie, well... uh... it was fun.  got all the cliches and the very predictable plot line, but it was fun.  i loved it.  i love katherine heigle.  i love that she loves eating alot in the movie.  i think it's funny how she's named grace, and cyclops is named george.  if you don't watch grey's, you won't get it. 

ok.  i admit i'm slightly autistic, especially when it comes to schedules.  i hate hate hate people who cancel, regardless of the reason.  i try not to be so irrational though.  valid excuses, of course are valid.  but you cancel, you make up for it.  give me a plan B; otherwise, i'd get totally pissed off.  demanding na kung demanding, but i do not handle change in schedules very well, unless you give me a plan B.  totally ruins my day.

another point, while i am all for meeting people half-way (compromise ba?), let's not expect this so early on into the game.  seriously.  i get flashes.  they are not good.  i expect things to get worse.  i'm naturally pessimistic.  so give me something good, and i wouldn't see a flash of really bad; but give me piss me off this early, forget it.  i see a flash of hopeless.  and pointless.  in other words, waste of time.

yup.  you read it right. 

i lost ortigas station of the MRT.

went to galle the other day, then was off to q. ave.  so of course, i will MRT.  unfortunately, i haven't been to galleria for more than a year now.  so when i reached EDSA, i was "um... so ok.  do i turn left or right now?"  i couldn't see where the MRT could possibly be, so i flipped a coin... and went the wrong way!

had to take the bus to the next station; which, apparently isn't cubao but santolan.

she of the perpetually lost,

of the fickle mind,

and messy life. 

friend said she thinks ex (quite possibly) ruined everyone else for me.

soo true.

quite possibly.

...but let's keep the hope alive. 

sometimes, in the middle of the afternoon

her face would suddenly appear in my head

your calm cold face.

at peace?

maybe.  finally.

looking at you through the glass,

infinitely better than when you breathed. 

**********************************

it makes me feel better knowing you now run and play with the other kids. 

so the other day was fun day at the mall while taking pics at boardwalk under the heat of the sun.  oh yez!  cam-whorage-dom ito.  of course, had to slightly make takas coz does not like to invite teacher principal. lolz.  mean girls. tsk, tsk...

at boardwalk:

 i don't understand what's with the tree either...

 yez! the twirly thingies are making me is-kerd.  check out the BIG bag. haha!

ate at cheesecake etc. but did not cheesecake.  shet.  what was the point???

yummy egg-na-egg salad, not so good pasta and shoberg sausages (LOLz) 

in all fairness, the drinks were super yummy.  forgot what it's called though.  something like kuya gerald's.  hahaha! sorry, sounds like, so that's what we kept calling it.

 the kuya gerald's drinks

 

 had to pose for the bills.  why not?!

i know this makes me sound positively evil and mean and whatever, but, whenever i see some not hot foreign-looking old-ish guy with a morena filipina with long, long rebond-ed hair in sexy outfit, first thing that pops in my head was/is "pokpok sha.".  being in RP for so many years kinda' encouraged that sort of word-image association.  and although we were not in RP, but in MOA (pronounced as moo-ah!  say it with me, "MOO-AH!"), when said foreign-ger and girl in tow walked in cheesecake, POP! image-word association. 

i must really get that out of my system regardless if it's true.

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

p.s.

so ex and i are currently doing the metaphorical hand holding while humming a tra-la-la in happylandia.  i find it really strange being in such a good place with him right now.  was it something i said?  wala na kaming issues?  seriously?  we're actually ok?

i know, i know.  what's wrong with me, we are actually happy and i am suddenly questioning the why's.  i'm not used to things being this smooth with us.  it's just been too much rough lately.

don't get me wrong though, i like that he's giving me a happy.  i'm keeping fingers and toes crossed things don't get fucked up right away.

i'm thinking of moving out of tabulas.

any suggestions of new place to move into? 

please and thank you.

 here's a little post valentine's day shit for everyone.

been somewhat busy with the paperworks and the going outs and the sleepy-ness that seems to be me. 

there's just sooo much to tell.  only i can't remember what they were.

fuck.  early onset alzheimer's is that you?

being in this good a place is bad for my ability to write...  which i never really had in the first place;  so this would in actuality be normal.

ooh.  randomness note from college:

i have this student who kept on telling me that my neckline's mighty low [ok, so she did this twice pa lang], in a sum kinda' nice but still strange way. 

i do not have low neckline!  ok so maybe slightly low.

but i have no bazoomas to speak of, so it does not make me look poppy, which means i am still in a good place in my book.

the college kiddies presented this sortof thing where they had to dance using some steps from a certain therapy technique.  college hottie [which will be what i will be calling the 4th college stud in my  class from now on] was majorly good.  seriously.  funny hirits.  great dancing shit.  and i think he might be crushin' on me.   i know it's super wholesom-y and all and i just might possibly in all actuallity be majorly delusional but, YES TO PEDOPHILIA! wohoo!

english language, see the words i made up? 

wouldn't it be nice to know right now that we'll be
Someday holding hands in the end
All our broken plans will have been
I will kiss you soft so you know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"

i learned something new today.

i know now where gate 5 is!

seriously.  my brain does not deal with directions at all.  it tries to chew it then spit it out whole. 

so i was in gateway with hersh, and we're bound for greenhills (this would be among the many things that is foreign), only we don't know how to get there.  and for reasons i don't remember, we want directions via commute.  actually we were supposed to go there with someone who actually knows how to get there, except they forgot to invite her.  ayus!

and people, this is why we are friends.

so after texting people i know en masse (you do know i do not know alot of people, i'm bad with the social skills that way), and getting a handfull of  "i don't know's" and ignoring (hmp. hmp.), one did manage to reply.

unfortunately, we were not greenhills shopping center bound pala.  we have the addy, but we don't know how to get there.  hersh called up the place and asked for directions.

"pumasok kayo sa gate 5"  and the word "highway" were the only things she managed to pick up.  obviously, we have no idea what the heck she was talking about. 

after calling up about five people (i understand now.  this is valentine weekend, the folks are pretty busy.  i run on a pentium 1, it takes forever to process), caress gave us the general direction.

ok so now we can cab.

yes we make sense this way. 

i haven't been doing this teaching college thing for long.  just about 3 months to be exact.  so far everything has been a new experience.  it's a little stressful and actually a bit fun.

preparing for lectures isn't the hardest part.  what stresses me out the most is doing the actual lecture in front of the college kiddies.   if you know me personally, you'd know how messed up i talk.  well, i actually write plenty messy as it is, but more so when i talk.  i need to say things out loud to process things; and, i still tend to forget things alot (short-term memory why?!).  so sometimes, while in class, i feel like i'm just sounding things off for myself.  you can imagine how confusing it must be for the kiddies.  but i think i'm getting the hang of it.

this is why i like things organized.  if i don't have them all lined up and filed accordingly, i tend to jumble things around. so sad.

also, i have this bad habit of digressing and going off-topic easy.  i can not be interrupted while i talk.  makes things more confusing for me.  eventually though, i would remember that the current topic isn't exactly the topic i was supposed to get into, so i have to go back to the original.  so yet again, the confusion.

i think at this point, you're prolly thinking you'd hate for me to be your instructor; and yeah, well, can't blame you.  but uh... i give hand-outs? hahaha!

here's another thing that stresses me out.  you know how students like to take down notes?  it gives me paranoia.  like, what if i've been blubbering about the wrong thing, or i've been misleading them into something.  ohboy!  issue! 

i've never actually been in a real co-ed school.  i mean, sure i went to UP and all, but CAMP, our college is gay central.  we have girls and gays galore.  yeah sure we have boys, but it's not like in other places.  so i feel pretty much exclusive school girl my whole life.

i had no idea college guys are soo nice.  seriously.  i like have alot of them at my beck and call.  it's a little embarrassing for me when they carry all my stuff back to the faculty lounge. 

kaya ko naman magbuhat kahit folder. 

walang grade ang conduct.

maybe that's how things really are.  i really have no idea.  how were you back then? 

going out with other men just makes me miss being with you all the more. 

i may have to stick with you afterall...

Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

-anyone else but you, the moldy peaches 

things are going so well with ex that i have this insane urge to push him away, or to annoy him until he push me away. 

don't get me wrong, i love that things are going so well, but i'm seriously curbing the urge not to push away.  although, for some fucked up reason, i am trying to annoy him to death.  in all fairness to him, he is being very patient with me right now.  something i find really strange.

what the hell is going on??? 

i usually blog-hop when i'm bored.  there are things that make me not wanna' come back.

disclaimer: i do not claim to be a blog guru or whatnot.  this is called personal taste.  don't take it personally.   or maybe you should.  i don't really care.  pfft!

1.  using image as background for text.  unless you're point for making a blog is to showcase you're big ass image, and not write anything at all.  i don't see the point why you wouldn't want your readers to read what you wrote.  not to mention it usually takes alot of time before the whole image gets uploaded.  my pc's jurassic, and i have ADD, just imagine my frustration.

2.   insta-music when you click in.  yeah, sure, sometimes i love the song that's playing, but it's usually a bad surprise when some tune would suddenly pop out.  i like a little control over what i hear from the speakers.

3.  tiny, tiny fonts.  seriously.  your computer has a built in magnifier?  ok so yeah, in the handicap options.  but why write in a size 2.  wwhhyyy???  you wouldn't run out of space!

4.  not enough contrast.  at this point i'm just being real picky, but it makes reading easier.  so there! 

5.   using text language.  ang laki naman ng cellphone mo?!  i understand why people (me included) use text language in the cell.  it is harder to type, and although i would at times use the dictionary option, it's cheaper to send one line than two (yes , i'm kuripot in random occasions); but in the pc?  how hard is it to spell things out?!

6.   writing "filipinoh" words with "h" at the end.  ano bah!  tangah kah?!  netah!

7.   rAndOmLy cApiTaliZinG LeTteRs.  it just really, really screw up my head when i attempt to read shits like this.

8.  messy, messy layouts.  just coz you can, doesn't always mean you should.  i hate going into blogs where there's just too many things out there.  visual overload.  my brain shuts off.

9.  horrible grammar.  i don't have perfect grammar, and my sentence construction sucks.  i write in fragments.  alot.  but there are some people whose grammar i just really can't stand at all.  there's forgivable (i'm no nazi), and there are those that shout: KILL ME NOW!

10. blogs that turn into online song hits.  i'm not very particular content-wise, as long as i like your style, doesn't really matter how mundane your shits are.  i know i'm guilty of posting song lyrics myself when i couldn't write at all, or when i find one i really, really like; but let's not overdo it much.  unless that's your whole thing.

dear universe,

i know that in a few days, weeks, months... i would be thanking you for being my ever vigilant knight in shining armor, and saving me from my lack of impulse-control and stupidity.  however, as of this moment, i am totally hating you and wishing you'd leave me alone to fuck up my life. 

there are times when i do not want saving. 

there are times when i need to give in to temporary insanity which i will later on almost almost regret.

love,

janine 

so, here's the plan:

i'm clearing things up.  i'm going for the grown-up and mature. i'm 26 going on 16, i have to start acting like a grown-up.  think normal.

the first step is always the hardest.  i'm on harakiri mode: do or die.  well, actually it's more of either i get it or i die, which is totally not a good place for me to be in.  i know i don't do normal, but that's coz i'm freakin' scared all the time.  scared of the losing and the expectations and the pain.  but the thing is, i can't go on like this forever.  slow death isn't always the answer.  this will end either in happiness or tears. i take no other road.

time to free fall. 

it's so over. finally over.

why does it feel so much like a break up when we're not even together?

why is this making my eyes red when i'm getting exactly what i wanted to begin with?

no backing out now...

i'm done with the emo.  i hope...

thank gad it happened on a work time.  seriously.  i always always do the crazy when things go wrong with us during the breaks: sem break, christmas break, summer break... 

 (Addison, Grey's Anatomy)

he hates it when i'm with other men. and i need a diversion when we're at war.  always.  escapist people can't face their problems.  or maybe i should just get me a normal full time job...

i know tabulas has been the number one witness to our sordid love affair since uh... 2004?  and hopefully this will be the end of it.  i had to end it.  i'm falling in love again.  gad.  how stupidly emo does that sounds?

as i've said, over and done with.  no backing out now.

on other news....

so i introduced penchit to this guy.  they got along uh... great.  personally he kinda' felt alot suffocating for me, but they worked.  so yey! with my matchmaking skills. 

in less than 2 weeks time, they were in a relationship. 

my initial reaction: OMG!  ganun lang pala yun?

hahaha!  so apparently, not everyone has commitment issues like i do. 

last night guy was bugging me for number of penchit's friends.  he needs alternative number in case he couldn't contact penchit.

what the fuck?!  are you freakin' serious?  that sounds horrible.  alot stalkerish.  no trust at all. tsk, tsk... 

i did not give him any number.  he got pissed off with me.  apparently i'm supposed to help him coz i introduced them.  oh men! if i knew what a loser/stalker he was i wouldn't have.  besides, i introduced them mostly coz penchit needs someone to harrass. *tee-hee*

hey! i am foremost her friend.

hayay! matters of the heart.  i am no good.  i'm better off with work.  only i have no idea if my kids are actually learnng anything at all from me.  oh noes! 

No more choking on regrets to keep you satisfied
I am coming up for air out of this heavy night
Oh, the scenery is different when you're not so small
I think I can take this fall

-reason why, saving jane 

i admit.  i am not fine.  i will not pretend i am.  i am miserable.  case in point:  i am not done with my shopoholic tendencies. 

i know i can end this misery easy by getting back with him.  but i don't want to.  i'm sticking with things this time.  sure we're ok now, but sooner or later, he will find someone new, and i can't handle that.  i know that i will be in far and away pretty soon, but that's still beside the point.

and to waste more time i don't have: ta-da! 

that would be my mosquito bite-riddled legs. 

our house is under renovation.  the mosquitoes in the living room are driving me nuts.  the horrible orange colored thing under my legs would be my bedsheet.  i know it looks awful, but that happens to be my favorite.  just love the texture.  i also happen to share bed space with my books and papers.  at least the ones i need right about this time frame.  i like everything accessible.

honestly, i am that lazy!

hectic week.  too much paperworks.

my perpetual excuse: i'm sad.  i can't concentrate. hahaha!  it's partly true... but still, not justifiable. 

ONE DOWN. 

done with my final lecture for the college kiddies.  although, i do owe them one final hand-out.  i know it's not my job anymore, but i did promise.  plus, they'll be interns next year, i don't want them becoming interns without having a guide on how to evaluate. i promised to email it to one of the kiddies, coz it's finals next week.  of course, crushee hottie offered his, which i now have, aside from the class' official spokes-person. pedophilia, pedophilia.  dammit.

but the class were such sweeties.  they gave me this very short speech about how much they appreciated having me around this sem, and all that (this is our last lecture for the semester).  oh my! my blonde-ness didn't peek through. wohoo! then, one of the guys sang this stupid funny, kinda-lame-but-sweet song about whatever.   hilarious people. 

speaking of college people, so i'm pretty good friends with one of the guys in the faculty.  a married one at that.  in all fairness to ME!, i wasn't the least bit flirty with anyone (talk about defensive, yes?).  he just happens to be one of the few there who was really nice to me and accommodating and all; only he likes practicing his stupid pick-up lines on me, which i usually ignore. 

eniweiz, so herein lies a dilemma:  he said he'll be treating me out for dinner like next week.  he's been bugging me to teach him a certain PT technique, only i really don't have time at all.  so this afternoon, he waited until i finish my class, and i sortof gave him a rundown of the thing.  then he said he'll treat me out next week as thank you.  i just laughed it off.  what was i supposed to say? 

usually i'd go for a yes.  hey free dinner!  i live by the motto: feed me and i will love you for life.  ok so maybe not... but people usually gets through me through food.  remember A and our perpetual petty fights. i'm sooo cheap! 

back to topic, i shouldn't accept dinner right?  we both know it's a safe thank you dinner, but him being married and all kinda' makes it not good.  not to mention there would be just us there. 

oooh.  i don't know....