my sidebar is sooooooo fucked up.  i can't edit the template at all.  and editing screws everything up coz the saving is just screwy. urgh!  talk about frustrated. 

ex is starting to get on my nerves.  seriously.  i want to pick a fight with him.  only i don't make sense right now.  so he'd just laugh it off, and i want to be taken seriously!  ok, yes, we're talking again.  i have nobody to talk with all day!  nobody to talk to will drive me insane.  he talks to me.  so we're talking.  and i guess we're ok again.  dammit.  i am such a wussy.  i give in all the time!  urgh!  but but but...  hate him.  i super hate him right now.  i wish he'd get mad at me or something then we'd have something to fight about.  then all my anger will make sense coz right now it doesn't.

i suddenly have too much rage.

maybe it's the past two days spent alone... except at night.

i am not meant to be domesticated.  domesticated on me leads to rage.

met with CQ's boy's friends.  it was great how super nice they were.  and this has got to be the most fantabulous drink evah:

red apple sangria

it was huge!  and 'course i had me the drink, way before i had dinner, so good luck with that.  i was semi-drunk half-way through the globe glass.

semi-drunk on me does not equal slut.  i have to be really drunk for that.  semi-drunk would be horribly talkative flirt (or is it talkative horrible flirt? hmm...). 

just my luck guy i'm crushing on (who isn't really supposed to be there but suddenly was there, have no idea why, joining us in our table) sat on the opposite end from me.  crushed.  phooey.  and some guy friend of them sat beside me, hitting on me, but we had absolutely nothing to talk about, so i was bored. 

thankfully, half the table left, and i managed to get myself involved in the conversation on the other side.  i got to talk with him! yey!  this would be the semi-drunk me doing the talking.  did i mention by this time, CQ's boy bought me a long island iced tea?  yummy, but not good for my state of semi-drunken-ness.  he looked so formal and geekish with the glasses on... just adorable.  plus he was really bright.  hot!

naturally, CQ's boy found out who i've been crushin' on yesterday, and teased me big time.  yes, i know! so high school!  so now we'll be seeing boy and crush and don't know who else again later.  his text to CQ: "want to hang out tomorrow?  bring J with you, tell her *crush*' will be there too."

torn between killing and hugging the boy.  he meant well though.  just wants me to have fun.  so maybe i'll keep the knives for now.

i hate how you can still ruin my day.

fcuk.

i need alcohol.

For some reason, people I know here are into casinos.  I've never really been interested though.  I'm not very good with cards.  Ex on the other hand, gets very lucky whenever he plays.

One of the few games i know how to play is 21.  Very simple, and does not require much skill.  For the uninitiated here's the basic:

It's called 21 because your cards has to equal to 21 or less in value to play in the game.  The number cards retain their value, the people cards are valued at 10, and the ace is valued at either 1 or 11, your pick.  If you go beyond 21, you're bust.  Somebody plays house.  The house is the last to play.  The goal of the game is to get cards higher than house but 21 or less to win.  You're given 2 cards.  You can ask the house to hit you, so get up to as much as 5 cards; or you can go for stay, meaning you keep the cards you already have.

Sounds easy right?  In all fairness, it is pretty easy to win.  The fact that I managed to win a few goes to show how easy it is.

The thing is, I'm pretty unlucky with gambling.  My luck tends to favor raffles when I was way younger, but card games, never.  Bets, i rarely get into.  But I play to win (you hear that!), except when with ex, I don't mind losing. 

Now, if you want to try your hands at playing, there are plenty of online casinos in the net.  Go check it out!

went out with the cousins yesterday.  the girls went their way, the boys went another.  i was asked to decide whether i wanted to go with the girls or the boys.  girl cousin said she wanted to check mac place.

i thought,

that tilted the table with me going with the girls.

this, however, is what i got instead:

geez.  i am so not a girl.

p.s.  so ex and i are kinda' talking again.  he's being super nice.  again.  what the fuck is going on?!  he's driving me crazy.  there is a plot out there to drive me insane.  why????

a few years ago i went out with this guy to watch some movie in greenbelt 3.  we got in our seats while they were showing the trailers so i decided to go to restroom first.  unfortunately, the aisle i went up in led to the guy's restroom. 

so i was there, there were two doors, one said male, the other fire exit.

i will not try to explain the craziness that is my brain, but being there, facing those two doors;  i thought, what's behind fire exit?

sooo, i opened the door, saw totally white hallway seeming to extend to forever, and stepped in.

i could possibly be one of those people who, when they see a DO NOT PUSH button, would have the insane urge to push the freaking button just to find out why it says don't push.

back to the moviehouse, i stepped in the white corridor, and the door shut behind me.  it wouldn't open!  i got a little panicky for like 3 seconds, then i just decided to take a walk.

of course given my total lack of direction, i did not end up outside to the food area or inside the movie house again, but in the projection room.  i saw mr. projectorist, two feet up another chair just watching the movie.  he had a funny surprised look on his face when i knocked on the glass and asked for directions on how to get out.  he was pretty nice and escorted me back to the theater.

and that boys and girls is what you're supposed to do when you get lost behind the fire exit.

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

got majorly drunk last night.  once again, was with CQ, her boy, crush, rocker dude and boring.  played pool, which i totally suck at, a few arcades game, which i am alot better with, and got alot of drinks in.  some pineapple thingy i have no idea what.  CQ's boy just told the bartender, "give her something good." 

don't you just love surprise drinks?

and whenever i get back for another one, i'd just say, "refill please."

crush was so totally clueless that i was into him, i lost interest.  rocker dude was sooo much better, only he has a gf (re: bartender).  when i say much better, i don't mean there was flirting.  just nice funny conversations.  he's pretty cool to talk with.  i like-y.

boring was hitting on me again with the drink buying and shit, but i'm seriously not interested.  i would've happily played along, but there is just nothing to talk about with him.  it's like 1 minute conversation then zzz.

a little lip loving with rocker dude would've made the night more awesome, but i can get that action when i get back home. wohoo!

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

i have option to stay here and wait out while they fix my shit, or go back and see how it goes. 

it makes more sense to stay.  i wish i could make things easy for everyone and just stay, but i just can't.  staying would be the rational decision, coming back would be slightly irrational and seriously a waste of money.

it's my OC-ness at work.  mind-sets does this to me.

this is one of those times, i'm sure my parents wish i was normal and not selfish.

friend broke up with long time bf.  it's one of those inevitable things that took their own sweet time coming.  guy's parting words:

"ang matinong babae nag-aantay ng three months bago makipag-date ulit."

wtf-?!

ang tunay na ex, walang pakialam!  ulol!

besides, i date right away whenever ex and i break up.  sometimes within the same day.  other times before the week is out.

what does that make me, huh?

...

do not answer that question.

So ex's latest thing is the stock market.  So I'm pretty much getting a crash course of sorts on how things work.

Seriously though, I don't really get stocks.  Basically the most that I know is that it crashed last February, so things aren't going so well.  Of course, I'm talking about US stock market.  The Philippine stock market is probably as messed up and as fickle as my head.  I also know that they buy and sell there. Man, I'm such a fountain of information!

I got myself in this stock market blog which showed history of how a certain stock rated through the whole of last year.  I'm sure some people out there will find this helpful.  I'm sure, as with most things, things like stocks have patterns.  Look at the pattern,  you'd most prolly figure out if you want to buy stocks from that company.  Or if you already bought it, and see that the trend seems to be pointing downwards, then you'd obviously need to sell.

How to do theactual analysis of the numbers though, I have no idea.  Go to someone who gets it.  Do you?

CQ wanted to sit beside her boy.  but the office romance was a secret, so there can't be any seat saving.  there has to be a plan.  it started out simple enough.  there was supposed to be 7 of us.  so i told CQ, we'll sit on the corner chairs, the rest will fill up the remaining chairs beside us, and regardless if boy comes in first or last, he pulls up a chair to sit at the head of the table.

we got into a major glitch when some girl decided to join the lunch date.  good thing we were forwarned.  so we couldn't do the chair pulling thing.  we were seated in this 8-chair table.  so here was the new plan:

                                              SIDE OF RESTAURANT                                         

                              chair1      CQ       chair3       chair4

       ENTRANCE OF RESTAURANT -->

                             chair5        ME      chair7       chair8

we sat there while we waited for the group to come in.  strange place to sit, but there was a plan!  really!  so when the co-workers come in sans the boy, the will automatically fill up first chairs 3,4,7 and 8 given that they are the most convenient spots.  although chair5 is also pretty convenient, they would most rather be sitting beside people they know than me.  plus we know that the boy and some girl will be coming later than the rest of the gang, so we're pretty sure that chairs 1 and 5 will be the last seats taken.  if some girl comes in first, she will surely go for chair5 given the convenience of location.  if the boy comes in first, he will obviously get the chair beside CQ.

tada!  i do make bright plans!

yes, i know.  for 20-something year olds, we're pretty juvenile.

describe your perfect date.

good food.  great conversation.  plenty of alcohol.

hot sex.

...a promise of a next time.

that's not a date, that's a prolonged foreplay.

*i'm picking a fight with ex again.  maybe i know he's no good for me, and i have no idea how to let go other than through this...

Maybe god is talking to me now, saying,

It is my decree that you should expect love songs

and candles and lollipops.

-when the messenger is hot

Clark tuesday.

darn government.  we thought the subic-clark road will be open by april 21.  unfortunately, it was set for 28.  grr...  so the supposedly 30-minute trip turned out to be an hour or so.

spent the week with two koreans.  therefore the korean lunches we've been having.  so far, the only food i've tried was the bulgogi.

bulgogi: it's one of those food that you seriousy have to eat with your hands.

for the uninitiated, how to eat the bulgogi:

1.  get the grilled strip of meat.

2.  put some chili paste, called Ssamjang (the name is a misnomer, it is not chill at all.  believe me, i don't care for anything hot.  unless you're a guy. )

3.  wrap it with fresh lettuce leaves.  (this is where the part where you eat with your hands come in.  you can't exactly wrap it while using chopsticks).

there's a sesame oil available too, but i have no idea what to use it for.

Subic wednesday

i swear, sometimes, i could kill those government people.  i'm doing a profile of subic for the business plan friend is making for korean people (the reason why we are there in the first place), so i had to get data from the SBMA (Subic Bay Metropolitan Authority).  I had to go from one building to the next then back again to get all information.  They kept shuttling me around. 

"We don't handle that part anymore.  You have to get that from building number 3."

"Our OIC is not in the office right now, come back tomorrow."

"We ran out of copies for that, but maybe you can get it in building 1."

"I can't give you the info unless you present me with a letter from your school.  But you can take a look at the hard copies [me taking pictures of hard copy coz i'm too lazy to actually write]  You know what, we can have that photocopied for you."

Anvaya cove:  absolutely gorgeous.

somebody buy me a piece of that land.  please and thank you.

i haven't had time to upload the pics yet.

the advertisement said, 20 minute drive from subic.  uh-huh.  yeah right!  more like 20 minutes at 100 kph over the zigzag-ing roads.  no thanks, i happen to like myself alive.

but seriously gorgeous place.

Tagaytay thursday.

highlands was fabulous, but there was nothing really special about the houses.  it was nice.  made for some cute shots.  but nothing i have't seen in other residential places.  seems like they're really just selling the ambiance and the exclusivity of the place, and the facilities and amenities of course.

so the people we were with were koreans.  cute kid, jin, kept making pa-cute.  lolz.  he was real easy to flirt with, but i try to keep myself uh... away.  he does have a gf back in korea ya'know.

and so apparently, i may have a fan base in korea.  they like their wimmen light with small face.  uh... ok.

sooo... plenty of work to do.  hope to survive the week.

as promised.

first stop was

don't you just love the egg shaped plate?

place looks expensive.  not really the type i'd usually get into.  but when you check out their price range, it's not really as pricey as you'd think.  the place is a little small though. 

we were seated right in the middle, and it was pretty hard to move around.

we were served their "make your own pizza" thing, which wasn't really a "make our own" coz the pizzas were obviously prepared already (thank gad!)

can you imagine if it wasn't? 

we would be presented with all these

where do you start???

guess which one we liked more?

the left is a ham and cheese i think, and the right is something with lamb.  obviously i was only pretending to listen while the chef was talking.  i really love their cheese, and it's thin so... crunchy. lolz.

i swear i'm bad to talk about food.  i usually like 'em all.

You recently came across a children's book entitled, The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein.  You know the book's story, but you haven't actually read it until that time.

For those not familiar with the story, it's about a circle who is missing a little piece.  So this circle kept rolling and rolling, over fields and under trees where he would roll slow because he was looking.  Often times, he would stop to smell the flowers, talk to the worms, walk with the lady bugs, and sit still for the butterfly. 

One day, it finally found a little piece.  So it went up to it and asked if it's his missing piece.  The little piece got mad and said, it is not anyone's missing piece.  It's a piece all by itself. 

So the circle went rolling away.  It met other little pieces.  Some were too small, others too big, some too sharp, while others just don't fit at all.  Until finally, he met a little piece that seemed perfect.  But of course, given his experience he was a little cautious.  But when they were put together, they really were perfect!  And because the circle is now perfect, he can roll away fast.  So he went across mountains, hills and trees so fast that he doesn't have time anymore for the flowers, the bugs, the worms, and the butterfly. 

Suddenly, he stopped, he let go of his missing piece, and rolled away.  Once again, he started rolling slow, talking to everyone, and began looking again for his missing piece.

You know the story is about how we always strive to be perfect in everything; but being perfect wouldn't exactly make us happy.  Being perfect would actually make us lose sight of everything around us.  That wouldn't be perfect at all.  It also shows how we are actually better off being the imperfect us, and we should like ourselves for who we really are.

For some reason, right after you read the book, it struck you as meaning something entirely different.  You blame this on PMS, but you felt horribly rejected at that moment.  You kept thinking about the missing piece that was left behind.  The missing piece was finally with someone perfect who makes it part of a whole.  But it didn't matter how perfectly suited it was with the circle's imperfection, the missing piece was still rejected.  You relate a little to well with the missing piece, the rejected perfect missing piece.

You know how that was like.  You know how it felt like you're finally with someone who makes things go so well wih you.  As that overly used phrase goes, someone who completes you.  You fit just right, and you do your best to make everything smooth-sailing. 

Only, eventually, you still end up being alone.

Will go sulking in the corner now...