Dear Bb,

I miss you.

I miss the us before things got complicated.  I miss the us before you left for J.  I miss you in bed.

I know i said that we're better off this way.  It was  partly true, and I was partly defensive.  After things changed, it didn't make sense anymore.

Funny how everything started with you.  Don't get me wrong though, I don't blame you for anything.  I'm not sure if you knew this, but I fell in love with you the first few months I knew you.  Suddenly finding out you have a girlfriend made me cry.  The night you came over and told me you like me, but you just wanted to "go with the flow", was when you broke my heart.  It took me a long time to get over you.  Ex was the person who helped me. Ex was the filler I used to get over you, and guess how that turned out?  A couple of years later, I had you helping me get over ex.  Talk about vicious cycles.

So maybe I used you.  Maybe you used me.  It doesn't matter really. 

I may not feel the way I used to feel for you.  You probably never felt anything for me.  But we had great fun.  Sometimes, that's all that matters.  I let you get away with things because I needed your distraction, as much as you wanted to get laid.  Yes it was very wrong.  But we're both taking advantage, so what's the big?

Did you really grew a conscience, or did you not like being used?  Or maybe you got bored?  No one could really sustain your attention for long; and I could be very overwhelming.

The thing is, regardless of everything that went down [pun unintended], i am suddenly missing you.  You have always been great fun to talk with, when you're in the mood to talk.  Seeing you for lunch, or just hanging out in my house with you never fail to make me happy.  Being with you for dinner and desserts would always be my favorite.  Passing by the "used to be routes" still make me smile.  Remember that road down in Merville?  I loved that place since we drove by there 2 years ago.

I still miss you b.  Talk to me.

Love, J

my doggie has a new pup.  he looks adopted.

this would be him 2 weeks after birth.  and because i was such an idiot, i forgot to turn on the audio.  then again, what the heck would you hear with it on anyway?  and i know not how to edit.

clip's about a minute and a half long.

You know how sometimes you can't sit through this whole new movie you're watching in the house, regardless how very interesting it is.  There's always something that you feel like you should do.  Mails to check, food to cook, dogs to play with, papers to write... so much more other things to do.

But if they're showing a re-run of some movie you've seen before and enjoyed, you don't mind watching the old movie over and over again.  You don't mind sitting through the commercials even.

That's how i am with people.  Hence, the replays and the never getting over stories on permanent play back. 

If there's one word I can use to describe me, consistent comes to mind.

...

Or possibly also crazy.

chong is leaving next week, and so there was a despedida of sorts.  ok it was actually just a bunch of us from work forcing chong to feed us, and having an excuse to get alcoholic.

now, this

fruit wine daw

on me, is definitely no good.

had me laughing like a hyena.  going all crazy with the videoke.  and taking advantage of the minor.

of course i will not post anything really incriminating now, would i?

remind me to stay away from kids.

now chong is off for malaysia tomorrow where she will work with them genetically-different kiddies (and no, i don't mean aliens).

everybody's leaving.

two posts in a day.  i must be really bored.

"we screw boys like whores on tequila."

finally managed to download the last 3 episodes of grey's anatomy.  yey for torrentz!  i missed my grey's fix for the past couple of months coz of the writer's strike. pfft!  but it's back now.  once again, i can pretend to have a life.  i live through grey's.

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

so i don't really watch american idol, but i did see a few eps for this season.

this guy, i would love to win.

David Cook

but this guy, i think would actually win.

David Archuleta

him.  i hate.  i was seriously happy when he got booted off.  he is just so... mellow.  whenever i see him on t.v., i have this insane urge to slash his face to give it more character.

Jason Castro

that face looks so freakin' serene.

i may have an idea now why people cut themselves.

it can be either of two things:

sometimes emotional pain becomes too overwhelming it becomes necessary to physically feel the pain. the red marks on your skin suddenly seems fascinating.  the pain becomes real.

or, sometimes you just need to feel something.  you've been numb.  pain is a feeling.  you feel pain, you must be alive.

When I was in Lacey, I spent most of the days watching t.v. while getting domesticated, and the nights being an alcoholic.  But let's not talk about my alcohol-love.

Two commercials got stuck in my head: the Mac vs. Vista commercial by Mac, and the one about Valtrex Medicine, a genital herpes medicine.

Second commercial goes: one out of four teens have genital herpes (or somethign to that effect).  After hearing it for about 4 times a day, I was like, "Ok, forget me ever doing anyone here."  So, one out of four, meaning: one probably is still a virgin; second is gay (I am assuming you're straight); so you basically have a 50-50 chance of sleeping with the one with herpes.  Nice figure you got there!

The thing is, according to the commercial (yes, I do pick up a lot of from them), you can have herpes but it's possible not to transfer it to the other person you're doing it with.  Yes to rubber!  Plus, a Valtrex Prescription is supposed to work.  The best thing about it, you can even order Valtrex online!

So maybe Kris Aquino need not announce it to the public years ago, as she can order it stealthily online.  You just mail them a prescription.

Then again, this is Kris we're talking about.

sorry doesn't work for me anymore

we all know who i'm talking about.

'nuff said.

dear universe,

i love you too.

ja-9

Heard of that puppets for adult thing?

think of puppets going through the drama of looking for their purpose in life, being racists, and using internet porn for the good of uh... monsters.

AVENUE Q is having a farewell run!

bestest news ever! (that they're showing it, not it being a farewell run)

was supposed to watch this last year.  unfortunately, we didn't buy tix fast enough. boo!  so hopefully this time, i get to watch.

show info:

play dates from june 13-22, 2008

in RCBC theater Makati

casts include: Carla Guevara-Laforteza, Felix Rivera, Aiza Seguerra, Joel Trinidad, Frenchie Dy, Teenee Chan, Rycharde Everley.

who's coming with me???

yesterday, we had this weather:

super cloudy skies and a lot of rain

but we still had to go here

kabayan beach resort, san juan, batangas

pre-school outing where everyone was present 'cept for KT. woo-hoo! her excuse, she has UTI. WTF-?!

it took us forever to get there coz of the stupid traffic early batangas area.

how do you know you've reached laiya?

when the good road stops working.

it was all rough roads with the good road being unpassable.  i have no idea why either.

the good unpassable road beside the dirt road we're actually travelling on

we stayed at this hut:

how appropriate if we stayed in the hut called kulasisi. lolz.  is kulasisi a bird??

the good thing about kabayan is that they let you bring in food, and even grill it.

want a peek at the girl's bathroom?

and no, i'm not posting a clearer pic of that one. lolz.

the beach was nice though in spite of the rain.  this is no white sands of bora.  in fact the sand was alot pebbl-y and slightly dark, but there were some nice parts.  the waters were pretty shallow extending forever, although there are some spots where it would suddenly go deep.

 coz we got tired of making sand castles...

yeah, yeah, the face needs more work...

thanks to our amazing photographer, we had tons of great shots in the sandbar

this was a little far from the shore na

super nice warm waters in spite of the cold weather!

best place to tambay

at this part of the beach, the water was amazingly clear.  there were parts though where it was pretty murky.  we blame it on the weather.  don't ask why.

but the water's seriously way better when it's sunny. daw.

this was supposed to be a "HHWW" shot. fail. pbfft.

the strange water fight that i just realized now has t. j for a target

there was water splashing everywhere we had no idea who we're hitting. (or maybe that was just me. had my eyes closed the whole time)

we got dirty, but we had fun!

sand fight where my side was obviously losing.

and of course, we just had to get some

with manong the henna person

would you believe they only charge 50 bucks here. hmm...

i got me a kitty kat!  again. for the nth time. which looks slightly strange.

the whole day spent swimming and no tan to show for it!  pbfft!

let's go back to the beach!!!

not sure if i've done things right.  i think there's too many layers. i'm still figuring out which details stay and which shouldn't.

I can hear it calling you, I'm comin' not drowning, swimming closer to you

i'm intrigued, i'm unsure, i'm searching for more

take me somewhere i can breath, i've got so much to see

many faces i have known, many ways in which i've grown, moving closer on my own

if you've never heard of his version, you just have got to shut up and listen.

one of the songs i fell in love with. 

i wasn't so much into maria carey's version.  it seemed all mush and sweety and shitz.  david cook's version is just so fuckin' good.  how can you turn mush into rock? the guy is totally fabulous! (yes, i maybe kinda' gay.)

With school starting again by June, wouldn't it be fun to have one last major vacation out of the country?  With the "Piso flight" going to most Asian countries it would most certainly be affordable.  Of course, the Piso flight does not give you a room to stay for the night.  And as much as I would love to be adventurous and try the backpacking hotels a friend suggested before, I don't think that would be my kind of thing.  I did see a site offering cheap hong kong hotels.  The lowest they offer is USD$49, which in Philippine peso would only total to about PHP2,100.  The tax surcharges you'll be paying for the Piso flight would be more than this.

Where would I want to go? 

Last place I went to a few years ago was Honk Kong.  But this was before Disneyland, Hong Kong!  Actually there are three places I would seriously love to see again in Hong Kong:

Disneyland!

It's THE PLACE ok?

Ocean Park

I love those fishes.  The many layered place where you actually see what fishes look like as you go deeper is the best place for me.  I'm not a fish person, unless they're fried or grilled (yum!), but that place was just gorgeous.  Leave it to me and my friend to take pictures of the place with our faces covering the frames.  Geez.

And of course, who wouldn't want to check out the night market? Yes? Yes?

One of the things we didn't check out though was the rest of China.  We were in a limited 3-day tour package, we wanted to maximize our Hong Kong experience.

I just recently found out that there are actually other nice things to see in China.  Sorry, it just never occured to me that the rest of the country has nice tourist spots. 

Naturally, you have got to walk on the Great Wall.  A friend went there before, walked a few kilometers, and gave us those chinese jade things as souvenir.

Then they also have this Hutong exploration.

Hutong

Hutongs are actually narrow streets common in Beijing.  The Hutong exploration is kind of like the historical guided tours around Intramuros, I'm thinking.  This actually really does sound interesting.

Then, of course, there is the shopping trips.  This is usually offered by the tour guides when you avail of the Hong Kong-Shanghai package, so I'm guessing there are actually nice places to shop around here.  Those who've been here? Any suggestions?

Naturally, if you need a place to stay, there is Cheap Beijing Hotels, offering about USD$23.00 as their cheapest rate, and Cheap Shanghai Hotels, at about USD$22.00.

And here's the other major thing, Cheap China Hotels offer, if you can find a hotel offering a cheaper rate, you can inform them about it within 24 hours of booking with them, then they would refund you the difference.  Nice right?

I really can't write paragraphs that make sense.  I digress too much, and I my brain may have atrophied lots.  Bear with the jumps.

"Peace is protected by men with guns."

The little hippie in me is bothered much by this statement, but I know in some way it is true.  No self-respecting country would be caught dead without good military power protecting its assets.  If you're earning gazillions of dollars, what would stop other countries from looting you, and eating you alive?

Why must US continue its war against Iraq?  Because continuous war means a continuous large appropriation to military budget.  We take away the war, the funds go somewhere else.  When the budget goes somewhere else, then the terrorist will/can surely kick your ass.

Why must they not stop the war against the terrorist?  Because stopping means letting the Muslims win.  You think just because you say, "Let's stop fighting now, 4,000 Americans have died in the span of uh... 5 years.", the other side would actually stop? If you think about it, this war has been going on for years and years now.  The fastest way would be to just get everyone of them, guilty unless proven innocent.  But of course we can't do that anymore, the Crusades is over.

Funny thing this terrorism, how do you actually define who is and who isn't a terrorist?  US calls the MUslim groups terrorists.  I'm sure the people in Iraq see US as a terrorist.  It really just depends on who's side you're on.  What may be a terrorist to one group of people, may be called freedom fighters by another.

Do you honestly think "peace talks" will work?  It's a good concept, but it is not everyone.  Peace talks work if people are actually willing to listen.  But we know people, and people don't honestly act towards towards the general's best interest.  Let's have a scenario:

Mediator: The war has to stop.

Muslim: We agree only if the infidels leave our country.

US: Ok, Iraq is yours.

Muslim: NO.  We want Israel back!  It is ours!

US: Israel is our ally.  We will not give it to you!

Muslim: All infidels must die!  It is the will of Allah! *keels*

Remember Left Behind?  Peace would work only if there is one dictator to whom everyone will submit to, and there is no religion.

World peace is only possible with the devil.

I woke up today with an ache that seems to be everywhere all at once. They say it's always like this the first time. This isn't exactly my first... nor my second either. In fact, I've been here countless of times before. But its been a long while. I missed it. The pounding heartbeat, the heat, the sweat, the rush.

The people? The people I forget. Nameless faces in my head. I used to know them. We used to share this sweet pain. Together. Bodies pushed to the limits until they become too tired to move.

But it's worth it. Definitely.

So yeah, I'm definitely coming back for more.

because i may be drunker than i thought, i unexpectedly deleted my layout.  which i have no idea if i can do again as i totally suck with layout thing, and was only able to do change with hit-and-miss.

HELP!

once upon a time, we played hide-and-seek with the world.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!  have fun growing up!

p.s. definitely not my best work, but i didn't want to put much details.

so i haven't come up with a new layout. so i'm pretty much still using the old.  sortof.  how's the colors?  seriously.

i want yellow, but i can't find the right shade.  i want it sunny, but not so bright; and not flesh looking.

too colorful?

You know what would be great to have sometimes when you're with the kiddies, a baby monitor.  It's like keeping watch without actually being there. Seriously, who doesn't have tons to do?  Even stay home people have the domestic issues to deal with.  Not everyone can afford a full-time nanny.

So, apparently, there are two types: the video baby monitor, and the audio baby monitor.  The names pretty much speak for themselves.  The audio monitor allows for two-way conversation, pretty much line a phone.  Only cheaper I'm guessing.  The video baby monitor seems a lot nicer though.  It's like getting a webcam stuck in a room where your baby's at, so you can watch her doing all her little bits while at work.  This would also be major handy for the paranoid with a full-time nanny.  I'm just not sure if there's an audio component included with the video monitor, but I would suppose so.  So, not only can you watch all the time, you can even play the voice of god while the nanny's with your baby.

"Inday, check the baby's diapers, you haven't changed it for the last 4 hours!"

Oh yeah!  The sitter would seriously love to have that one around.

Being the girl on the side takes a lot of idiocity, but it's definitely exciting.  What with all the sex and the drama, who wouldn't find it fun?  Sometimes though, don't you think you can do less with the drama, and just go for the normal?

Disclaimer:  I am not bitter.  I've had my share of men in a relationship with someone else, but for reasons I would not elaborate on, I seemed to still have a good relationship with them.  Good not meaning we still have the thing going on, but good meaning, we are still talking and civil and sum-kinda' like friends.  The thing with ex was different.  I was never the girl on the side.  I was this girl.

But over it.  I am now happy with the status, so there.

Now, if you're really interested in being the woman on the sidelines, let me disillusion you.  Wouldn't you rather get into such things knowing full well what you just jumped into?

The most common thing I've heard from women in this situation is this line:  "I'm the one he really loves me, he just doesn't know how to break up with his current."  That's bullshit.

How hard can it be?  "Uh... honey, I'm with this other girl now, so let's break up. Kthxbye"

Think of it this way, if he really loves you, he would WAIT until he cleans up (kicking the gf of the scene) before actually making a move on you.  It shows respect.  Not just for the soon-to-be ex-gf, but also for you. 

When you get into this sort of thing, get into it knowing just what the hell you actually signed up for.  This is not a possiblity of commitment.  This is that state where you're less than the gf, but more than a fubu.

Some girls say, the only difference is the commitment, better yet, the lack of it.  Maybe.  But that does not give you the excuse to start raining down the drama on the guy because you were trying to comepete with the gf for attention, etc.  There is a commitment with the gf.  You may not like commitment, but it does have its perks.  The commitment entails that he spends time with the gf, and do the normal things couples do.  You on the other hand, don't have that.  If he suddenly gets too busy with work, or from spending time with the girl, you'd better keep your mouth shut, and stop complaining.  You willingly got yurself into this situation, learn to deal with the crap that goes with it.

Another thing, do not expect monogamy.  You have got to be kidding me.  You are the girl on the sidelines, if that does not scream I-don't-know-how-to-be-monogamous, I don't know what else does.

The thing is, if your goal is to get the guy for yourself, and get him to commit with you, you have to keep remembering how you started in the first place.  Sure some guys can change, but don't assume this for a fact.  A few months down the road, and you may be the gf some other girl would be bitching about with your bf.

If, however, you still think you're up to getting into this sort of thing, remember one thing: love yourself more.  Always.  Regardless.

There are two things I am super excited about for the next two months, the Avenue Q show in RCBC Plaza on June, and the Chris Daughty concert in Eastwood on July.  I still don't know when I would get the ticket for Avenue Q.  I hope it will be sometime really soon.  I got free tickets for this one from another blogger.  So, I'm still waiting for it.  As for the Daughtry concert, there's no fixed plan at all still (like when to buy the tickets and how to go there et al).

It would be great though, if there's one site safe where people actually offer to sell you tickets (preferably for a lower price).  In UK they have Viagogo, which offers just this.  The nice thing with this site is that they offer more than just concert tickets.  You also have the choice of getting festival tickets, sport tickets, and theater tickets. 

Basically, this is how it works, so if you're a seller, you register for free, you list your ticket details, then you auction it off or sell it for a fixed price.  When someone buys the ticket from you, you can have it sent to the buyer with mail supported by viagogo, then you're sure to get payment.  Buyer also is assured of getting his tickets, as seller fraud is also possible when doing things online.

Right now this is what they have to offer:

Viagogo Weekly Featured UK Events:

Rock and Pop Concert Tickets

     · Celine Dion Tickets

     · Boyzone Tickets

     · Bruce Springsteen Tickets

     · Foo Fighters Tickets

     · Nickelback Tickets

     · Madonna Tickets

     · James Tickets

     · Queen tickets

     · Paul Rodgers Tickets

     · Van Halen Tickets

     · Oasis Tickets

     · Michael Jackson Tickets

Alternative and Indie Concert Tickets

     · Coldplay Tickets

     · Radiohead Tickets

Festival Tickets

     · T in the Park Tickets

     · Leeds Festival Tickets

     · O2 Wireless Festival Tickets

Sport Tickets

     · Wimbledon Tickets

Buy Concert Tickets  and Tennis Tickets

 am still not done with my Grey's Anatomy fix.  So while waiting for the part 2 of the final episode to be available for download somewhere in the net-verse let me help you update yourselves with who's screwing who in Grey's Anatomy.

(spoilers ahoy)

Anyone know the link for downloading part 2 of Freedom?