A friend texted me this at 2 in the morning: "How did you know you're meant to teach kids?"

I haven't really looked at this as my calling in life.  The fact that my work seemed to revolve around kids is besides the point.  The fact that I once told a friend that I would do this work for free if I didn't need the money, and meaning it entirely, is again, besides the point.

To be honest, the whole thing just seemed to have fallen on my lap, and I just went with the flow.  I didn't intentionally came out of college looking to work with kids.  I was as comfortable working with geria as well as pedia (I'm a therapist).  My first actual job with kids (not counting Home care) was in pre-school.  I have no idea how I got in actually.  At that time, I was in my first year in MA, and I was looking for work that would mix well with my school schedule.  Aplying in that particular preschool was very random.  I checked the net.  Saw the ad.  Sent my resume.  A few days later, I'm in.  I just came off a callcenter job.  Not fun.  The people were nice and all, but I really can't survive in that kind of environment. 

The pre-school turned out to be something alot wonderful.  I enjoy every minute I spend there.  You do not get stressed in a pre-school (unless the person in-charge turns out to be principal, but that's another story altogether.).  Kids, no matter how annoying they can get, will always kiss and hug away whatever your problem is.  The year after, I got another part-time job as therapist in a special school, ergo, kiddie patients.  The thing is, most pedia centers are handled by people from my college.  Apparently, we are usually the ones who go into pedes.  I'm not saying other school suck at it, it's just an acquired taste.  Treating pedia is different from treating adults, not alot of people has the patience for it.  Not many people would actually choose it.  Plus, seeing these kids day in, day out still not walking at age 6, still drolling at age 12, or crying every hour during therapy, may feel like being sucked in some black hole of misery.  Unlike adults, some kids never really get better, or when they do, it takes them years of therapy.  Not weeks or months like in adults.  It can be a little disheartening.  But you try to take pride in every little goal you meet to keep you sane.

I still don't know if this is what I'm supposed to do for the rest of life, but I'm hoping it is.  I'm not sure if I'm really good at it, but I'm hoping that I am.  I'm not sure if I will never get tired of it, and I hope I don't.

How do you actually know for sure what you're meant to do anyway?

I should've have known...  You own me. 

I tried. 

I couldn't run away.

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

On a lighter note, I decided to make a picture thingy of my moles just for the heck of it.  Guess where they are.  There's actually a number 8, but I'm not taking a picture of that.   lolz.

In one of those over-priced coffeeshops along Katipunan

Z:

Tell me about the new guy.

J9:

There is no new guy.

Z:

Fine.  The one you've been out with since last week!

J9:

Oh.  That new guy.  We're over.  Um... he's cute, really nice, bright... but...

Z:

Pbfft!  What's the but this time?

J9:

... there's no sparks.

Z [obviously exasperated]:

What?!  Aren't you a little to old for sparks?

J9 [defensive]:

There is no such thing as a little too old for sparks!  It's very important.

Z [rolling her eyes]:

Fine.  I will not even pretend to understand you anymore.  So what did you guys do anyway?

J9:

Eat.  Talk.  Talk some more.  Eat some more...

Z:

And???

J9:

I got bored!

Z [after a minute of processing]:

YOu know, J9, some guys do take their time before trying to sleep with you.

J9:

Gago.

Ok.  My bad.  So apparently, that was the last episode of grey's for the season.  duhr!  So while waiting for my fix to get uh... fixed (withdrawal is a bitch.  yes, that's an excuse.), i post the "major kiss"-ess as told by Shonda Rhimes.  Well, actually she just said there would be a major kiss, not sure which one is it.

So I give you all!

Obviously, this is not it.  A smack is nothing major-worthy.  Plus, is it just me or does Lexie look like she's a little eek-ed out?

I have nothing against them, but although I'm happy the Chief and the wife are back together, I really didn't care about it that much.  The episode where the Chief-with-just-dyed-black-hair was in the elevator with Derek, Mark and Addison was really funny.  Anyway, I didn't find this hot.

Is that some tongue action going on there?  Whatever.  I still can't process the whole Hahn-Callie angle.  It's just too weird.  Actually, I think I just don't like Callie.

This one was my favorite.  It's Alex and Izzy!  The most grogeous of teh casts.  They should be together!  Prelude to pity sex? Hmm...

This is prolly the kiss.  But seriously, after the break-up sex, this is nothing.

One of my bestfriends in college had her wedding this weekend. 

Don't you just love how blue the skies were?

I couldn't believe we are already at that age -the age where we start having a real life of our own.  And to think just a few days ago, I was still reeling from the shock of our other friend losing her baby.  What a week!

I was one of the bridesmaid, so I came there in my minty green dress.

Is this the place?

Of course, I had to ambush her while inside the car, before the wedding starts.  In all fairness, we were discussing last minute changes and shit for the wedding and reception at that time.

That camera came out of nowhere.  Seriously.  When a friend saw that I ducked in the car, he immediately followed and took a pic.  Paparazzi much?

The newly weds

To be honest, I never liked the guy.  He's just one of those people I hated at first sight.  I do have that quirk.  Rarely happens, but it does.  Plus I think he's closet.  But with all the drama happening in BFF's life, I had to help her out with the wedding preparation.  I may not agree with her choices, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't be there when she needs me. 

Even while at the church, I've been walking a lot around, trying to get picture list for the lector, virtually giving her brother a hit on the head for being so obtuse, getting their stuff in the Church, and basically bossing around her other friends to help prepare the reception place.

lateness! oh noes!

Funny how k and I though we were going to be late.  Had my dad drive us to church in Manila from Paranaque in 30 minutes!  But apparently, we got the time wrong, so we actually got there super early. stupet!  But at least we were able to see the church without the people yet.

a peek at the altar

The wedding went well, no drama.  No mom shouting from the back of the church, "Itigil ang kasal!", which we were half-expecting.  Sad though, there was no mom at the wedding.

the part I missed

up next: getting knotted, part 2: the reception

Let's call her Alice.

I don't really know if I like Alice (no, not that kind of like, perv).  We have this love-hate relationship, only she doesn't know it.  Not yet anyway.  We're okay.  We have fun. 

But sometimes, I don't get her.  Especially when there's other people around.  She's different.  She insults me in my face, but defends me when other people does the same.  It's not easy for me to talk to her.  Sometimes, I have a hard time knowing what to say.  I want to get to know her.  But I think she doesn't want me to.  So I leave her alone, and give her her space.  I figured she has enough people anyway.

I have weird people skills.

love me or hate me, personally I don't care

I post weirder pics.

"All mortals tend to turn into things they are pretending to be"

-Screwtape Letters

When we write, we show people a little something about ourselves (ok, some actually show a whole lot more than your willing to take).  Regardless how fictional our stories are, we leave a piece of ourselves in every entry: how we think, what we dream, what we fear.  Don't act too surprised when other people judge you because of it, people have been judged for much less. 

If you are concerned on how people will perceive you, write carefully.  Show only want you want.  Be discreet about your little indiscretions. 

If your goal is to shock people with your wanton disregard for the social norms, then be prepared to take the reactions.  Sure, some people find this fascinating.  Pretty much like how a carnage attracts major spectators.  But there would be people who won't.  When you write in a public venue, don't expect everyone to love you; and then call your haters narrow-minded bigots (regardless how true this may be).  They are entitled to their own opinion (stupid as it may sound).  If you choose to let them pollute your world, let them be; otherwise, moderate. 

I have nothing against people who moderate their comments.  Their blog is their world, they should be able to do whatever they please.  But of course, remember, everything has a consequence.

It helps when you're apathetic.

I'm rant-y girl this morning.  Somebody's pissing me off really bad, and I have too many random rants in me I need to spill out before I can actually talk with real people:

1.  We had this meeting yesterday at the college about this issue:

BACKGROUND: The university has a rule that part-time instructors can only teach 1 class.  I'm teaching 3rd year this term, and they have 3 sections.  We have an internal arrangement then.  We do team teaching.  Per team, we have 4 instructors.  We divide the topics amongst ourselves.  Because I'm part-time, I will handle less topics.  That way I can teach the same topic for all three sections.  We divided it a way that even though I don't come to Manila every week, it was already off-set by the coming in the previous week (Did I just lose you?). 

ISSUE: The University requires the instructors to sign at the start and end of each class.  The official instructors.  Internal arrangement is only recognized in the college, not by the university. 

OPTIONS: Option 1, stick to the original schedule.  Handle one class, instead of dividing the topics for 4 people, divide it by 2 only (there are only 2 official instructors per class).  Option 2, we stick to the internal arrangement, come to school on official days to sign in and out. 

The second works for full-time, as they are already in school to begin with.  Part-timers however lose in this situation.  Personally, I am not travelling all the way to Manila just to sign.  They are not paying me big enough to make it worth the pointless travel.  Plus, it's a waste of my time.  I could do more productive things in the time I'm losing with the more more than 2 hours travel back and forth Paranaque-Manila.  To make it easier for people, I suggested that we stick to the original division of labor into 4 when it comes to material preparation (i.e. lectures, hand-outs, etc.).  Although delivery still remains at 50-50.

RANT-O-RAMA: One of the instructors complained about the agreed arrangement (not that she can do aything about it anymore).  She kept inisisting that option 2 should've won, because the work of learning 50% of the topics is just the same as the travel (ergo, time-money) excess, regardless if the material were already prepared.  I seriously find her annoying.  You're in the academe for crying out loud, why would it take so much effort for you to study materials that you were supposed to know already in the first place?

2.  Watched Sex in the City yesterday.  It was a girly movie.  I like the clothes, although I don't understand the obsession with designer labels.  Mr. Big had his awww-inspiring moments.  Charlotte was, as always, sooo pretty.  I was annoyed with the people though.  Seriously, you had to talk, on your cellphone, while watching the movie?!  You can't get your ass off the seat and just talk somehwere else?  Do you think people are not disturbed by your conversation?  I don't want to hear what you talk about.  The worst thing is, it did not just happen once.  She got a call, she picked it up, and talked for a loooong time.  Then, if that wasn't bad enough, she had to make a phone call, and talk alot some more.  From what I've heard, it was chika talk.  If she wasn't seated across the other side of the aisle, I would've called her out for it.  We were making "excuse me" noises already, dedma.  Idiots.  Shouldn't be allowed in movie theaters.

3.  The root of all this anger.  I am not talking about it.

So, I've been spending too much time in front of pc doing things I shuldn't be doing, but obviously not blogging. 

And puppy has noticed. 

And puppy wants pc time now too!

"see? I copy what's on paper now!"

yeah, we both look basura.

For a reallly long while, I've always been daddy's girl.  I get the shopping sprees when I asked for it, the allowance whenever I leave the house on those months I was unemployed, and the random perks when I'm in the mood to ask nicely (i'm really bad with asking).  Of course, this would also be the person to blame on why I still have a curfew at the age of 26, I can't do spur of the moment out-of-town trips, and why I still don't drive (ok, this may be be entirely my fault, but so I hit a house, no biggie. umm... uh... fine).  Through the years, I've managed to put my dad in one annoying/exasperating scenarios after the other.  My sister and I actually.  While I was racking my head to come up wth anecdotes to tell, these popped in my head:

When I was in kindergarten and prep, my dad and I lived in Mindanao.  My mom and sister would come in occasionally, but it's mainly just the two of us, and of course my yaya.  We would mostly spend our nights in the movie theater watching last full shows.  Good  was to learn the Lupang Hinirang early on.  Of course being kinder, I needed help with the book stuff.  My dad is not the most patient man (a trait I have obviously inherited, aside from his temper).  Imagine him trying to teach my annoying 3-year-old-self-with-a-much-less-attention-span the alphabets!  The neighbors can probably hear him shouting, "What comes after letter N?"

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

This one happened with my sister.  One time, my dad got really mad at him, probably coz she scribbled AGAIN on his work papers using pentel pen.  We don't really know where the extra papers are, so my sister, who loves scribbling with the pentel would usually do it in any surface -work papers, walls, doors.  You get it.  She was around 3 or 4 that time I think.  Anyway, so after my dad reprimanded her, he went to sleep.  Another habit my sister had was to chew gums.  When he saw my dad was asleep, she left the gum in my dad's hair.  That was then when I found out baby oil can take out gum stuck in your hair.

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

I sort of started commuting when I was in high school.  One horribly rainy day, my friends suggested I take a ride in Baclaran because the traffic is more serious everywhere else, and it would be easier to get a ride there.  I was in Baclaran once before that.  Given my lousy sense of direction, upon reaching Baclaran, I had no idea where to go and what to do next.  This was the time before the cellphone.  So I went inside a 7-11 store, called my dad, and asked him to pick me up.

"Where are you?"

"In Baclaran."

"Where in Baclaran?"

"In 7-11."

"Where is that?"

"I don't know.  I can see Cindy's from where I am."

See how amazing I am with giving directions?

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

Back in college, there was this guy that I was totally crushing into.  He was this hot artsy-fartsy person, who has less direction that I do, but was probably the most gorgeous person I ever went out with.  So he came by the house during my birthday, and hanged out.  My other friend was also there, and she gave me a new shirt.  So we went to mmy room to try on, and I left him in the living room.  When we went out I saw my dad standing over him asking him things lie "Where did you go to school?" "Where do you live?" stuff like that.  It was funny in a weird sortof way.

By the way, guy never came back to my house after that.

And I honestly, I didn't mind.

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

So that is my dad. 

He actually helped me through a lot of things especially after the horrible disaster that I was back in third year college.  And he tempered my mom's anger alot whenever I mess up. 

I didn't want to make this entry senti or emo or whatever, and since I can't really come up with a good way to end this, here's another father's day anecdote:

For Father's day, there's a condom brand in the States showing this ad:

For all the men who uses our competitor's brand, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

doncha just lovit?

so... what's your father story?

This was supposed to be rant-age about how UP admin sucks.  It is not my fault my puppy ate my form 5!  I kid you not people. Ok, fine, so it might be slightly my fault why it got torn to little tiny pieces.  But must they really make it that difficult for me?  At this rate I may never get to apply for that stupid licensure exam come July.  Some people are into bottlecaps, I like collecting licenses.  Gah!  High effort, medium impact.

Why did I not get my MA at Lasalle instead, as I originally planned.  UP made it too darn easy to get in. dammit. No I am not being conceited, srly.  When I applied for MA, I just gave them my TOR, filled up form from old profs, and some basic paper shitz, and I'm in.  No exams, no interviews whatsoever.  I think it's maybe because I had my undergrad there, I dunno.

I digress.  This is not going to be about that.

For people from the South, have you seen the new billboard of Angel Locsin along SLEX?

I meant this

I find her really pretty and all, but that billboard would have been better with the pants off, folded and hung (get it? I made a joke there! HUHLOLZ).  The pants do nothing for her.  Except maybe make the covered half of her look, uh... lousy.  I can't come up with a better word.

whatchatink?

Being in the preschool, I have seen many strange names from parents who either lack imagination in naming their kids, or seem to have it in over abundance.  Maybe a little too much for their own good.

Among the names that comes to mind were the twins, Peanut and Butter.  Okay, so they were only nicknames, but seriously, why would you name your kid like that?  Another parent named their kids, Nikki, Nica and Nico, so that it would be easier to remember them according to mommy.  Where have all your creative juices gone?

One of my favorite kids is named Kassandra Alexei So.  Talk about compensating: let's make up for the two letter surname by giving her an extremely long name.  Good luck with you in preschool.  While the rest of the kids are finishing their work, you're still stuck writing your name.  The name is really pretty though.

My parents bright idea for my name was to have my initials as J L.  J for my dad, and M for my mom.  I was almost named Nicole though.  Thankfully, my dad got bopped in the head for even thinking such a thought.  I am not the type of girl who can get away with that name.  A little too girly and hot for the likes of me.

For my future spawns, I would love the name Claire, or Gianne.  I haven't really thought of a boy's name though, never really wanted a little boy.  I did drop by this site which offers baby names, to give me some idea about boy names.   They have this little thing there where you type in what the first letter and last letter should be, and it comes up with a list.  Going with the C and E of Claire, her cutest boy name equivalent would be Carlyle.  It does sound a little gay though, don't you think?  For the G and E, the nicest it came up with was Gabe, and I think I only liked it because that's the name of my favorite patient in the clinic. 

How about Xanthippus?

Makes me think of an octopus boy for your mutant baby. 

Or maybe Quadarius?  Sounds like something some math brought forth.

Nice to know stuff which I was reminded of when I saw the Due Date Calculator in the sidebar: If you want to know when you were conceived by the parents, you add 3 months to your birthday month, then subtract 14 to the day you were born.  It may be off by 7 days though. 

So if you were born October 20, then you were conceived on January 6.

It's not exact science, but it's a good baseline.

I'm not sure aout the state of the Drug/alcohol Rehabilitation centers here in the Philippines, but they sure have it sweet in California.  There's a Drug Treatment Center there that pretty much looks like some vacation gateway.  And I don't mean just the sights!  The place is located near the beach.  Facilities include a heated lap pool, a rose garden, a meditation garden, a sun deck, private rooms with plasma tv.  Talk about perpetually living in a state of luxury.  I have no idea how anyone can be thinking of taking anything in at all.

And it's not just the facilities, they also have spa services, yoga classes, trips to beach, mountain hiking, and organic, gourmet meals prepared by in-house chefs.  This may be heaven.

Aside from the gorgeous facilities though, they do offer an actual Addiction Treatment program.  They offer therapy for alcohol abuse, drug abuse, anxiety, and depression.  They have the usual individual and group therapy, art therapy, and equine therapy.  I know, horses, right?  It's been said that animals can help in the healing process.  In physical therapy, there's this new thing that they have about horse riding for children with cerebral palsy.  Then, in speech therapy, there was a study about having a dog during therapy for adults with aphasia.

I guess given your clientele it helps to look stunning.  If you're in need of help, wouldn't you rather spend it in some place nice where living in wouldn't be such a burden?  Of course, the cost will probably put a stop with your abuse problem as well, given that you wouldn't have any money left to fund it.  The place is screaming expensive.  But hey, if you're loaded, this place looks perfect.

If you want to see more of the sites, check out this drug rehab.

My dad's been nagging me to drive again.  SURPRISE!  After the accident that was last year, I thought he would never let me touch the wheels ever.  Unfortunately, I left my driver's license far away, and will probably get it back in three weeks time.  I think it must be my unconscious trying to keep me alive for a few more weeks.

You know what I hate most when I'm driving (except for the need to park, which I do really bad), motorcycles.  Seriously.  What's up with those guys weaving in and out of traffic?  They slip on the sides unnoticed -an accident waiting to happen.  They would even cross on the sidewalks! Sometimes I just want to run them over.  Plus the lack of helmets in some of them really bothers me.  They still get away with that in the service road.

There was a time long ago though when I wanted to learn how to bike.  Like a Harley!  And then maybe a Harley Davidson apparel to work with it. HUHLOL!  Hey, you got to look right!  I wanted the bike for the same reason that these motorcycle/scooter people are using theirs: less traffic hassle, and faster transportation.  But now I have seen the downside: wet when raining and baked skin when sunny, the pollution, death by bumping off a truck, and of course, really bad, messed up helmet hair.

Plus after a few months driving a car through hazardous biker-riddled service road, I promised myself never to get on those contraptions.

What do you drive?

I wrote this entry about some childhood trauma I had, which would effectively make my bond with you dear readers (yes, all 2 of you!)  much, much stronger.  However, the poltergeist of net-verse decided to play a little trick on me, and made the connection stop working, ergo, lost entry in cyberspace limbo.

This made me hungry.  You wouldn't want me when I'm hungry.

Okay, futile attempt at being funny by quoting Incredible Hulk, and failing. 

But seriously wih the hungry.  So I tried looking for food in the house, and I found NA-DA!  There is no food in the house because I ate it all up yesterday, and I forgot to pass by the grocery.  When I don't have food on hand, I like looking at it on the wonderful worldwide web to punish my satiety centers for making my stomach grumble.  Yes, my two dear readers, sometimes I'm a masochist that way.  But you probably know that about me by now.

One of the sites I came across was this pizza place, which offers a Ristorante Contest.  It's some new site which offers free pizza for a year if you win their contest.  This actually sounds good to someone with as much cooking skills as a 4-year old, only with better perception of "pan hot, don't touch", and "fire is not a toy".  I burned my scrambled eeggs remember?  Too bad they don't exactly target the Philippine audience the mozarella looked yummy.

In the meantime, I may need to call for delivery again.  Who wants pizza?!

Dear CG,

I know you are the last person I should be asking for advice given your track record of messed up relationships, and totally screwed decision-making skill.  But since I’ve asked all the normal people around, and they really couldn’t give me the answer I need, I decided to ask for your opinion as well.  So, here’s the sitch: I’m a married woman with a 5-year old special child.  My husband works for a big pharmaceutical company, and has no difficulty providing for our needs.  A few months ago, I discovered my husband cheating on me after I read his cell phone.  My husband denied having any other knowledge of the girl other than as text mate.  I let it go then.  Unfortunately, I just recently found out that said girl is now pregnant with my husband’s child.  My parents suggested, quite violently I might add, that I leave that two-timing wretch of a man and even offered to provide financial support to my child.  I’m not sure if I still want my husband, and I don’t know what to do.  Can you help me?

Love, Bewildered.

Dear Bewildered,

I am a bit surprised that anyone would actually come to me for advice, let alone something as huge as this.  But since you asked for it, then here you go. 

Honestly, I say leave the husband.  I know some people would tell you to fight for it, especially given that you have a child and all.  Plus being the wife gives you more right than that mistress.  Also, some people think that they’d rather not let the mistress win by having the guy for themselves.  But seriously, can you honestly be with someone, fight for someone, who has been unfaithful to you?  Why would you still want to associate yourself with a cheat?  For the child’s sake?  Would the child be happier growing up with a father who doesn’t even know what fidelity and keeping his promises mean?

I say drop the spawn of satan, and live happy.

If you want to make him suffer some more, how about letting him foot your bill while you make yourself gorgeous by getting yourself a boob job, a liposuction work, or some specialized plastic surgery in La Jolla spa md.

Love, CigaretteGirl

I use the nick cigarette-girl but I've never actually written anything about cigarettes and the like.  Not that the name has anything to do with it really, but, let's be literal.

So apparently there's a difference between smoking cigarettes and cigars.  In a nutshell, beer is to cigarette, as wine is to cigar.  Cigars, according to some, affect the palate when you smoke them in such a way as to make you want food with stronger flavor, ergo, the preference for spicy dishes.  Another difference I saw was that cigar smoking, unlike cigarette smoking which you just pop in your mouth to smoke, needs to have it's head cut off with a cutter.

a cutter

Obviously, cigars would definitely be pricier than cigarettes.  Cigar prices seem to range between $10 to as much as $160, depending on the brand and tobacco strength; and of course, depending where you buy it.  Some places would definitely offer a more affordable price for a cigar.

One thing that caught my attention though was the flavored cigars.  There’s chocolate, vanilla, honey, cherry, blackberry, peach, rum, and of course, mint.  Fruity cigars?  That’s definitely something I haven’t heard of yet.  The whole cigar smoking actually makes me think of some distinguished man in his 40s in a suit, sitting in his office or study with a brandy.  Fruity cigars pretty much ruined that image.

Rum-flavored cigars sound pretty interesting.  I wonder if it also has an alcohol effect.