September-october has always been my lowest months.  Forget that october is my birthday. My birthday usually sucks anyway.

It's the time of the year when I get sick, and when I get bored with my life.  I need something new. 

I'm going through the motions (again). 

I feel detached.  I need to reconnect.

Thinking is hard.  It requires too much effort.  It's during these months that I understand why I don't work in an office.  Why I don't chain myself to a 4x4 cubicle with AC the whole day. 

The fact that the bestfriend is leaving, and I don't know when I'll see her next, is pretty much depressing me too.  She's the bestfriend who stuck around my psycho year-long episode of alienating everyone I knew, for fucked up reasons. I'm trying very hard not to go mental again, and raise those defense mechs that kept going up whenever someone leaves. 

I'm struggliing here.  I'm pretending to be normal, and it's taking it's toll. 

I want my reality break now.